Happy Birthday Artistry!

By Finesse

Today is Artistry's birthday.  Arguably his biggest birthday yet.  Without getting into details, it's pretty huge.

Since we started this site less than two years ago, Artistry has changed jobs twice, raised one child from baby to toddler, raised a second child from infant to full-fledged baby, moved his family back to Pittsburgh, bought his first home, suffered through negotiations with contractors and architects about renovating the new house, and rented a house while the house he owns is being renovated.  All the while, he's maintained a not-so-secret love affair with GTOG, which peaked in August 2011 when Artistry called from the maternity ward just hours after the birth of his second child, Artistrette, to record a twenty minute raw emotion podcast about the finale of The Bachelorette.

That's not something an ordinary man would do, but Artistry is no ordinary man.

So please join me in wishing my friend Artistry a happy birthday by watching the below video of what is arguably his favorite Penguins game of all time. If he doesn't respond to your wishes with a thank you, don't take offense -- he's probably just on CapGeek looking about the Blackhawks salary cap issues.

GTOG readers weigh in on the Penguins' lost season

By GTOG Staff (follow Artistry and Finesse on Twitter)

We don't have the most readers on the internet but we definitely have some of the smartest and most dedicated.  There is a reason we solicit comments -- we get a lot of passion and insight into things that we've never thought about.  So in that spirit, here are some of the best comments and emails we've received since the disappointing end to the Pens' season, or as we like to call them, free labor.  Thanks to everyone for your support.

Randy! (With GTOG since the beginning)

Clearly this team is less than the sum of its parts. That's on Ray Shero. It's going to be a huge off-season for the organization as a whole.

Randy!

P.Co (Steady. Hardcore. Analysis)

Thanks for the podcast. Every time we're knocked out of the playoffs it feels like your girlfriend just broke up with you.  

P.Co?

I thought Fleury was totally out of gas coming into the playoffs. I wrote in a comment about a month ago that this is the first time we see his game slip in March instead of improve. Don't compare him to other goalies - he did play more games than in any other year. Worse, in some of these games he came in relief of Johnson, meaning he couldn't get his his scheduled rest. Maybe this is wishful thinking, but I want to believe that a fresh Fleury can carry this team in the playoffs next season.  

The horrible PK - I think it starts with Fleury, too. A shaky goalie kills the confidence of a defense. They don't challenge the d-men as much, they don't forecheck as deep as they are used to, because they're afraid, or rather know, that if the forwards get behind them, it's a sure goal.  

I'm just afraid the Pens now enter the Sharks-Canucks-Caps club, where the regular season doesn't matter anymore. You can get 60 wins during the season, but people will only be interested in whether and when you fail in the post-season, and everything short of an SCF, or even a Cup, is considered a failure. This mindset eventually destroyed these three teams. The only difference for the Pens is that they don't dominate their division as Vancouver does and Washington and SJ used to.  

Yeah, this was definitely a wasted opportunity. Last year was frustrating because you couldn't help thinking what might have been had everyone stayed healthy. This year everyone came back just in time and we were just waiting to get our due chance. And we botched it. No one to blame this time. October seems so far away....

More from @CouchPenguin, Brandy, P.Co again, and a guy who hates Paul Martin after the jump...

 @CouchPenguin (epic two-part comment)

Nice work on Twitter this season, and thanks for the podcasts. 

@CouchPenguin?

I'm sure there will be people who will point to this series -- and game 6 in particular -- as some sort of Crosby failure, but I wouldn't go too hard on him. That Malkin hit in game 5 looked like it hurt (so did ramming into the post), and let's not forget what 87's been dealing with since 1/1/11. Physically & emotionally, I can't see how he's as playoff-ready as he would have been with a full, healthy season behind him. We know he's a big moments kinda guy, and today, he couldn't muster that big moment. It may be a while yet before we see what Sidney Crosby play the way he should be playing as a 24/25-year-old superstar. He's still hockey's best -- let's give him time to settle back in. 

Malkin... I love Malkin. I love the big year he had, the big goals he scored, the big plays he made, and I love that he doesn't take any crap from his opponents. But he couldn't hit the net in the first half of the series, and he was too reckless too often. He took dumb penalties. He played too close to the edge of dirty, instead of playing the perfect, intense, dominating hockey we saw in the regular season and in the '09 playoffs. He's a big guy with a big heart, he has talent to spare, but he was mostly out-of-control for too long against Philly. I was disheartened to see him screaming at Neal in front of the cameras today. 

Neal needed to score some big goals, and a lot more of them. He did not look like a 40-goal man in this series. He had to be better and more effective than Briere or Jagr. 

Other forwards... Staal was great, but too late. And that game 1 OT gaffe is not what we should expect from him. Kunitz was not the grinding force he needed to be, and was largely ineffective. Sullivan did not play smart hockey often enough -- and that giveaway early in game 6 hurt badly. Cooke was in danger of being outplayed by Tangradi.

The point about Fleury being worked too hard through the regular season is a good one. Johnson was miserable this season, and the pressure that put on Fleury was immense. It might not fully explain 29's horrendous collapse, but there just might be something to it. This is a goalie who hadn't struggled since the beginning of the 2010-11 season. Suddenly, he caves as the playoffs approach. Coincidentally, he didn't seem the same to me after he got hammered by Paul Martin in that game against the Isles on March 27. Just another bit of bad Martin mojo... 

Speaking of him, he was the number one liability this team had this year, and through the first half of the series. Yeah, Fleury was bad, but Martin's nonsensical, ineffective pinches and general bad play were easy to exploit. Three years left on his $5-million-per deal, and he's the one guy I never want to see in a Pens uniform again. 

Michalek might not have been stellar (and yes, I really miss Scuderi & Gill too... never mind Talbot & Rupp), but he wasn't as miserable as Martin. The one guy who might have been as wretched as Martin was Lovejoy. He gave away game 2. This series might show why he's not NHL material. Engelland was decent, Orpik was Orpik, Niskanen was pretty brave & effective when he returned, and Despres & Strait did okay when thrust into a terrible situation. 

But let's finish by talking about Kris Letang. Brilliant defenseman. 

We know what he can do at both ends of the ice. Problem is, he sometimes suffers from inconsistent, sloppy play which can come across as cavalier. And if there's a word I would have used to describe what I saw from the Penguins when they had the leads in games 1 & 2, it's cavalier. They played Kris Letang hockey. 

He has to grow up, play every shift, and stop taking unnecessary risks. When Kris Letang plays smart, solid hockey, he's unstoppable. Same with the Penguins. 

Anyway. 

Learn. Adjust. Return. Win. 

I love my team. I want them to feel the sting of this one, though. Feel it burn, then turn it into something positive. Be hungry. Want it more than their opponents. 

A lot more.

Brandy (Every Brandy comment is like Ninety-Five Theses nailed to our inbox)

I always gave this team a pass for the Montreal series, with the assumption that the big boys were exhausted from two consecutive finals and an Olympics. This team has fought through so much the last couple of years, to watch all of its stars act more like petulant children (Letang, Sid, Geno, I'm looking at you) than hockey players is just sad. My thoughts: 

Brandy?

1) Hard to disagree about M&M. My sort-of reasonable dream for the defense is to unload their contracts for a 2-4th rounder, resign Nisky, bring up Despres for good, and throw your chips in for Ryan Suter (I could probably lengthen or improve this list if I had a better sense of whose contract was up). Nash has to keep Weber, and I don't know that they'll be willing to fork over the money for both. (We should also hope for this reason that Nash gets ousted shortly.) By the time Orpik and Tanger's contracts are up, hopefully Morrow and Harrington will be NHL-ready and on cheap contracts. 

2) How was the exact same defense as last year so much worse? Repeat question for M&M. 

3) Before we bash Shero for the M&M contracts, it should be at least noted that he was building a team for the new NHL, not the new dead-puck era we're playing in now. Officiating is to the point where an offsides call falls into the "let the boys play" category. And I really wish I was exaggerating. 

4) Ditto for Bylsma's system, although I do think he got significantly out-coached and has built systems to complicated to adapt when necessary. Obstruction has limited the speed and fore-checking the approach depends on. A lot will need to change systematically next year. 

5) I get your view on Kunie. But we have exactly 1 legitimate top 6 winger if we get rid of him. I also think we'd miss his physical presence. If you can replace it, fine. But you'd best be getting something similar in return - or in return for M&M. 

6) Speaking of physical presence - when did this team become allergic to hitting? I heard that they were told to limit hitting in the defense end, so that they didn't get out of position. Fat lot of good that did: they are so easy to play against. 

7) Is it time to trade a big boy? I get the hesitation, but still... The Bruins got two first rounders for fricking Phil Kessel. Imagine what we could get for Geno. Seriously, I can't even fathom. And the team would be so much more balanced. Sid was limited this series because he had nil help on his wing - while 3 of our 4 top 6 forwards got shut down by Sean Couturier (or more accurately, one got shut down trying to do a lot of fancy stuff and rendered his linemates useless). 

8) I'm not even saying we should trade one of the big 3 - BUT if it becomes necessary to stay under the cap, you let Geno restock your entire (empty) prospect pool and keep Staal. He's more mature than Geno and his skill set can't be replaced. And I still think (maybe unfairly) that Geno will go back home at some point significantly before retirement.

P.Co (never to be outdone by Brandy)

I usually agree with you guys (and gal) about almost everything, but not today. 

Still not over it.

1. Our chocolate covered peanut defensemen are both signed through 2015. On the flip-side, their cap hits are high by Penguins standards but not relative to other high-end d-men around the league (remember how much Gonchar was signed for by Ottawa in 2010). This means that a) they're going to be tough to move; b) what's out there is not that much better. 

2. Let's tease the two apart for a moment - Martin has been a failure, no question. He wasn't as bad this year as a lot of people say, but he didn't deliver what he was supposed to. He was brought in here as a versatile blue liner who can carry the puck and not be a defensive liability. He was a replacement for Gonchar, not to Gill. Everyone was talking about his offensive upside, being (I think) the top defensive scorer on the Devils "and just imagine what he will do in an offensive-minded system in Pittsburgh". What he did is go off the powerplay in a hurry and score like 4 goals in 2 years. And his defense was Gonchar-esque at best. Again, he wasn't a disaster, he did finish the regular season a plus after a terrible start, but he was bad enough to disappear from the lineup in the last three games of the playoffs. Bottom line - he was signed to deliver a certain type of game and failed to deliver it. 

3. Michalek just doesn't fit the Pens' system. He was signed as a puck magnet. Not overly physical, not lightning quick, just a pure shot blocker. It worked great for Tippett's Coyotes, but the Pens' have a pinch-in system where most of the chances against them come off the rush. This is why Letang has flourished under Bylsma, because he is arguably the best in the League in breaking a 2 on 1. Michalek is a great stand-up player who often gets lost in the up and down game this team plays. Last year with all the injuries, the Pens adopted a slower style which was perfect for him. This year, not so much. 

I wish we could replace both of these guys. But it won't be easy (unless some team emerges like Florida and Columbus did last summer and hands out inflated contracts. Maybe Dallas with its new ownership? The CBA situation makes this option very unlikely). 

4. What can Shero do in the off-season? I agree that Suter becomes an option if you can dump one M through an amnesty clause in the new CBA and trade the other one. I don't see anyone else, though. The Pens are rich in defensive prospects but none are both Gill-Scuderi types and NHL ready. And even then, there is still one more slot to fill. I hope Despres sticks around this time, but he's not the anchor in front of the net we (and half the league) are looking for. 

5. When we talk about pesky physical forward who can make life miserable for other teams, aren't we talking about Chris Kunitz? Why do we need to trade Hands for a guy exactly like him (sans hands)? The only reason I can think of is to shed his salary and get a cheaper player.

6. Trading for picks - Not gonna happen. We were bounced off in the first round, but we are still playing for now. The Pens will start trading roster players for prospects and draft picks after the current group will have finished its course and left town. 

7. That said, there's no way in hell 87 or 71 go anywhere, barring a toxic situation in the room. But someone reported that Staal is getting edgy about his limited role and that he could be a #1 center on most other teams in the league. Really? If this is true, then I say do it. If we can get for Staal what you would get for a #1 center then the Pens should go for it. Would you trade Staal for Patrick Kane? for Tuuka Rask and David Krejci? for TJ Oshie and Carlo Colaiacovo? I would. I don't want to Trade Staal, but I would trade my third-line center if people see him as a first-liner. 

Rant over. Back to work.

**I meant to say Rask and Krejci plus a player or a first rounder. But neither is going to happen, so never mind.**

Jesse, Artistry's friend who hates Paul Martin (via email)

I feel this is right on. btw you may recall i told you last summer from [a source] the two pieces they were trying to deal were martin and kunitz....the latter being the one with actual value. The issue then...and much more so now...is martin. the reason i've harped on the martin disaster for so long is simply about money. Certainly i don't blame shero for trying to get a good solid steady defenseman in free agency but whiffing that badly for that much money costs us in more ways than just on the ice. This isn't an i told you so by any means but it was plain to see FROM DAY ONE this guy on this team was disatrous. He looked intimidated playing with great players. Jersey was a totally different situation. In pittsburgh he didn't believe in his skills and frankly the level of energy he showed night in and night out made me want to slap him across the face. At least show us that you give a fuck. I dont' recall one game in two years that i said "good play paul martin". maybe the money fucked him up...really no way of knowing what happened. Point is I'm really not sure there is a place for him in this league. Thats how low i feel about him. If i was an nhl scout evaluating his play what could justify assuming that much cap space for that long? To me its wade redden, kablerle, souray, hamrlik all over again. Boy do i hope i'm wrong but i think they're fucked. Only thing i could say is perhaps there is another player who is equally as disappointing who makes a fair bit of money that a team would consider swapping out. Savings of 2mil perhaps and i'd still take that all day long. Like you wrote, a mean defensive forward who was overpaid? cant think off the top of my head who that might be but its a possiblitiy. Not a defensive centerman but ryan malone perhaps? At least he's tough to play against. 

Jesse, Artistry's friend who hates Paul Martin

Michalek certainly a disappointment but his contract and skill set make him more movable. again, he's a guy i chalk up to getting paid, buying a big house, and then all of a sudden beocmes the chek republic version of roger dorn. I'm not sure i ever saw him block a shot this year. i could actually live with him staying on the team...as average as he's been. Martin though isn't really an nhl player caliber player anymore. i'm being totally serious. Look at his skill set and tell me what he does? Decent skater but what else? I think the flyers salivated every time he was on the ice. Which is why eventually he wasn't on the ice anymore. 

The league is getting infused with good young players now more than ever. again, like you wrote, depres strait whoever would be a better subsitute for the money. But wyy would somone else be stupid enough to make a mistake like that? change of scenery....eh. we've seen guys with huge cap hits gets dealt before on that theory with virtually no success. The other issue is if i'm another gm why would i give the pens a reprieve? So they can get more cap space and add to already awesome team? fuck that. Shero has made some awesome awesome moves as gm (which is another reason why its harder to make a deal with him) but this miss is gonna continue to haunt us unfortunately for quite some time. hope i'm wrong. 

last thought. A guy they could move is orpik. He had a pretty down year ( hurt?) but still is looked at as a commodity. reasonable salary as well.

Thanks again for reading everyone.  Stay with us over the summer, and tell a friend or ten.

The Onus is Ours: The GTOG Promise

We just got an incredible email from a reader. She built us up to the highest of highs, then tore us down to the lowest of lows for our failure to consistently recap episodes of The Bachelor. Basically, she put The Onus on GTOG.

And you know what? She's right. We have failed. We have let you down. But what we will never do is shy away from an Onus. We're not scared of you, Onus. Bring it.

February 8th is the first day of the rest of GTOG's life. 100% re-dedication starts now.

GTOG Wants You to Comment!

By Finesse

We never pump our comment section, even though there are some entertaining exchanges that happen in there.  But for over 18 months, we've basically been talking at you.  We'd love to hear any thoughts you guys have on the Pens, the Bachelor, Paula Deen's diabetes, or anything else.  There's a comment string going here about the Pens, so if you want to weigh in, click that link and tell us why we're smart or why we suck.

Proud Graduates.

And if no one takes the bait, that's cool, too.  We can always just talk to each other.

GTOG Podcast: The Truth about the Steelers; Preview of our Pens 2011-12 Season Preview

We start by recapping the Steelers' frustrating loss to the Texans and addressing the sense of pessimism overwhelming the Steelers' fan-base.  But then ... we get optimistic at about the 12 minute mark and talk Penguins.  It's impassioned.  It's emotional.  It's the podcast.  GTOG Everybody, and subscribe on iTunes.

Listen here with Flash:

Podcast Powered By Podbean

Listen here on the iPhone/iPad:

Podcast Powered By Podbean

The official Penguins preview post will be up later today. While you're waiting, follow GTOG on Twitter. 207 people Everybody's doing it.

GTOG's First Annual Heroes and Villains List

By GTOG Staff

During the 14 months of GTOG's existence, we've experienced our share of highs and lows.  We've seen GTOG become the most-visited website in Indonesia because of that country's obsession with Step Up 3-D; we've been called out on Twitter by the NBA player who organizes "Lapdance Tuesday;" we've spent entire mornings bombarding the Twitter accounts of ex-Bachelor contestants, to varying degrees of success; we've been shunned by the most unreadable reality TV blogger on the Internet; and we've recorded podcasts from hospital rooms.  Through it all, we made a list.  We checked it over once, briefly.  And if you're on it, we feel strongly about you, for better or worse.  If you're new to the site, consider this a primer of where our loyalties lie.  Without further adieu, and in no particular order, we bring you GTOG's heroes and villains of Year 1.

Read on for the full list of Heroes and Villains....

Heroes

Bob Pompeani - We've admired the well-coiffed KDKA sports anchor for nearly 30 years. We see a lot of ourselves in him.  So smart.  So steady.  So serviceable.  One day we did a light-hearted post about Pomp, and he took the time to let us know he enjoyed it.  All that talent, and a sense of humor to boot?  That's heroic.

Jamie Dixon - In a world where no blue-chippers stay in school anymore, he doesn't rely on blue-chippers.  In a city where Hurdle, Tomlin, and Bylsma live, he might be the best coach in town.  He rescues strangers from car accidents.  And forget Pitino and Calipari.  Nobody looks more like a basketball coach should look than Jamie Dixon.

Justin Bieber - If you're a fan of things that are excellent, then you probably already love Justin Bieber.  We like to think that we are at least partially responsible for his meteoric rise to stardom because we went to a theater packed with 6 people to take vigorous notes on his movie so we could give you this movie review.

Chris Harrison - No one gets more out of doing less than Chris Harrison.  He may conduct interviews without asking questions and he may get upstaged at his own job by a jeweler, but he brings the one thing GTOG respects the most: Consistency.  Witness the flawless execution:

Harrison's locker room on-set in Fiji.

Rick Malambri - Who is Rick Malambri?  Everything you need to know is in his dancing.  How does he do it?  Well, some people learn to dance.  Others are born to.  Why does he do it?  Because one move can set a whole generation free.  If that doesn't define "hero," we don't know what does.  And if you live in Southeast Asia and do a Google Image search for Rick Malambri, there's a good chance you're going to spend the afternoon reading recaps of Penguin games.

Polarizing figure in Jakarta.

Shawntel Newton - You already know she's attractive.  But did you also know that the former Bachelor contestant known to GTOG as the Comely Embalmer, AKA the Smoking Hot Undertaker, is one of the most down-to-earth Ladies you'll ever encounter?  Let's get #ShawntelYouShouldDateFinesse trending on Twitter.

Stan and Guy - Things that never should have happened: 1) KBL going away; 2) Brett Favre thinking, "nah, she'll never forward this to Deadspin" and 3) Stan and Guy getting at least 10 of their shows cancelled.  In an industry where most hosts are uninformed blowhards, these guys sweat Reasonableness.

Andray Blatche - He's 6'11," plays in the NBA and is the host of "Lapdance Tuesday."  In other words, he's our target demo.  And when we pondered what Ted's Take would be on Blatche going "hard n' the paint," he eloquently responded on Twitter, "why u wanna do all that."  So well put.

Huge fans.

Ames - Imagine if Gullibility had a baby with Naiveté, and the baby was home-schooled before suffering a severe concussion.  That's Ames.  He has an unparalleled depth of knowledge of things women don't care about, and is the inspiration for our newest refrigerator magnet, The Many Faces of Ames.

Clint Hurdle - Because he's a good manager, even if the Pirates haven't won in two weeks.

Paul Martin - Because we defend him.

Sheer Elegance - Because she did what no sane human being should ever do and watched an entire season of the Real Housewives of New York and wrote about it for us.  She's a better Mario-Adjective than we are [see below].

George and Randy! - These guys started reading GTOG before our parents did. We don't know them personally, but we feel like we do.  They're smart, loyal, they get the joke, and you know what?  They're our heroes.

Loyalty.

The Pensblog - Talk about commitment.  If every American applied themselves to the task at hand like these guys cover our Pittsburgh Penguins, we wouldn't be worried about the Chinese.  Consistently creative.  Consistently funny.  And consistently generous to certain upstart bloggers.

Villains

Adam Schefter - One year ago we were anti-Schefty because he played Bob Woodward and cited anonymous sources to report that a guy who everyone knew had blown out his ACL did, in fact, blow out his ACL.  This year, he's checking his email live on SportsCenter and incoherently shouting "Nnamdi Asomugha!"

Nnamdi Asomugha!!!!!!  Nnamdi Asomugha!!!!!

Ted Leonsis - Our position on Ted has been beaten into the ground, but we're flattered that he briefly left the front lines of the War on Hearing to take a shot at GTOG on his blog and on Puck Daddy.  There's only one thing left to say:

Are we sure that isn't Boyd Gordon?

Jaden Smith - When you're born with a golden spoon in your mouth but trade it in for a spoon made out of diamonds, that's inflammatory.  But when you choose to hitch your private luxury helicopter to the coattails of Justin Bieber and insert yourself repeatedly in his movie for no apparent reason, we have to draw the line.

"I can't reach Daddy because his pilot asked him to turn his phone off for the landing."

"That football coach Pitt hired" - If it wasn't for a Ron Cook Poem asking so pointedly, "Really, is it so wrong to give Haywood a chance?" then we would have absolutely no idea what this guy's name was.  He was hired on December 16th, Ron Cook pronounced him a great hire on December 17th, he was arrested for domestic violence on December 31st, and was fired on January 2nd.  He would have been more memorable if he had just lit a turd on fire on the steps of the Cathedral of Learning.

Face of the University.

William Gay - Are you a struggling NFL receiver?  Do you need a chance to unwind and recharge your batteries?  Spend some time on Gay Island.  It's always open, and, unfortunately, so are you.

Reality Steve - Where to begin.  Somehow this blowhard has amassed a huge following among Bachelor Nation.  We attribute this to the fact that he has some source that gives him Bachelor and Bachelorette "spoilers."  Forgive us, but we thought these shows were about the Journey, not the Destination.  Anyway, for a long time, we tried to post links to our recaps in his comments section.  Each time, he removed them.  Then, he solicited applications for guest bloggers to help make his website readable.  We put the past aside and volunteered our services.  He ignored us, and made his website worse as a result.  So we loaded up the flame thrower and napalmed all bridges between us.

Peter King - Ah, the self-indulgent author of Monday Morning Quarterback. First, thanks for all the good reporting you do.  But let's get something straight:  we don't care about what happened to you on your flight from Detroit to Dallas.  We don't care about what you put in your coffee this morning.  And we really don't care what you think about the New Jersey Devils.  But we know a website that may have a column for you to write.

Long Island - You brought out the worst that the NHL has to offer and then threw a nuclear bomb on top of it to give us one of the more unfortunate nights in Penguins' history.  You were apparently upset that 1) your goalie started a fight; 2) your goalie got his face shattered in one punch in said fight; 3) Brent Johnson ran up and down the Jersey Shore yelling, "One Shot, Bro!!!" and 4) the Penguins laughed about it because, well, it was hilarious.  Then you convinced yourselves that YOU were the victim.



Dale Tallon - One summer before it's time for the Penguins to try and extend Jordan Staal and Sidney Crosby, the Florida GM handed the not-prolific Tomas Fleischmann a 4 yr./$18 million contract.  Among other things.  Thanks.

Bentley - You know just how to talk to a Lady in an almost incoherent mumble. But that "narrating the present" technique can only work for so long when all you're offering is a "dot dot dot."  You do realize your daughter Cozy is going to one day be able to access the GTOG Bachelorette Recap archives in the U.S. Library of Congress, right?  Just saying.  [Are we putting Bentley in the Villains section and not the Heroes section so as not to infuriate our substantial female readership?  For you to decide.]

There, there.

Skype - Where were you when we were trying to record that Raw Emotion podcast in June?  We don't forget.

Petr Svoboda - Hello, Petr?  Oh, we're so sorry.  We didn't realize it was already 9 pm.  It's down to Detroit and Pittsburgh, is it Petr?  Oh, Jaromir will make his decision by Wednesday?  Is that a fact?  What's that?  You've lost track of his whereabouts?  Now additional teams with inferior - but right-handed - centers have entered the bidding?  Have you taken leave of your senses?  Petr?  Petr?  He hung up.

All of the Real Housewives of New York - We tried to watch this show. We really did. We thought that maybe, against the odds, we could find some of the Bachelor/Bachelorette magic in another absurd but satire-friendly reality show.  We made it through about 20 minutes of the first episode, we were horrified, and we both blacked out.  Neither of us know what happened, but we're still having night terrors, and and it's hard to talk about. 

ESPN - For making us watch hockey on NBC for at least the next 10 years.  For making poor Scott Burnside broadcast from his grandmother's living room.  For ignoring the Pirates.  For making Buccigross do "vlogumns."  For SportsCenter's free agent FRENZY!  For taking Jay Harris from Pittsburgh, but leaving Alby Oxenreiter behind.  By the way, this is a great read.

Rebecca Black - You had us when you pointed out that yesterday was Thursday.  To-day it is Friday.  Tomorrow is Saturday.  And Sunday comes afterwaaaards.  You lost us when you decided this is Your Moment.  But let's be clear: we'd love to have you on the podcast, and to have you follow us on Twitter. 

GTOG Nation Welcomes Artistrette

By Finesse

Join me in welcoming the newest addition to GTOG Nation, Really Little Artistry.  She was born at 2:30 this morning.  A hearty congratulations to Artistry, Mrs. Artistry, Little Artistry and the whole bunch.  What a family.

Happy Anniversary to Us: How Do You Measure, Measure a Year?

By Artistry and Finesse

It's been quite a Journey. On June 14, 2010, two men who were in the habit of starting the work day by sending each other unusually passionate and detailed emails about Pittsburgh Penguins games first decided to publish their thoughts for the world to see. It was a momentous occasion, marked by our parents calling us, ostensibly to "check in," but really to confirm that we were still employed. 365 days and 555 blog posts later, gettoourgame.com* has more than earned its reputation as the most trusted news magazine on the Internet. Is that a bold statement? Of course it is. But look at the facts:

GTOG Facebook followers as of 6/14/2010: 0
GTOG Facebook followers as of 6/14/2011: 94**

Just one year ago, this was only a dream.

Those numbers don't lie. GTOG is gaining followers at a rate of .25 people per day. There's a good chance that, as you read this post, someone's right leg is liking GTOG on Facebook. But the numbers - as powerful as they are - tell only a fraction of the story. How did this website, which grew from deceptively humble beginnings, become the first stop in the morning for scores of people looking for shrewd and original coverage of everything from hockey to reality television?

For a look back at Year 1, read on after the jump...
It was May 2010. In a horrifying upset, the Penguins had just been bounced from the playoffs by Montreal, and we were licking our wounds. Some people in moments of despair turn to comfort food or seek solace in a bottle of whiskey; we tend to read the Pittsburgh Post Gazette sports section on-line as we eat comfort food and drink whiskey. And so it happened that on May 25, 2010 (fitting date), Artistry sent an email to Finesse with the subject "A record that may never be broken," and containing the following message: "11 rhetorical sentences in [Ron] Cook's column today."***

We had too much time on our hands that week, and there was something inside of us that needed to find expression.  So Artistry did what any reasonable and ambitious professional with an advanced degree would do -- he turned every Ron Cook column into a poem. "Could we do this all day?" Artistry wrote in response to a flurry of poems from Finesse and our cohorts Poise and Eloquence. "I'm thinking yes."

Last known picture of Artistry.

On June 8, Finesse took things to another level, writing, "I just had 25 free minutes so I wrote my own Cook article. This is the most fun I've had since I've been a lawyer. 25 minutes, 883 words." Then we all started doing it. There was this explosion of creative energy centered, ironically, around Ron Cook. On June 14, Finesse figured out how to publish the timeless masterpiece entitled, "Writing a Ron Cook Column 101," followed by the first examples of "Ron Cook Poetry," and before he retired to bed on that fateful night, he sent an email that said so little, yet so much: "Two posts are up. Not really sure of next step."

It turned out that the next step involved a lot more of the same, until we realized it's tough to sustain a blog writing 400 word poems based on terrible 800 word columns.  So we did what any reasonable people who have a direct financial incentive to blog less and work more would do.  We started writing fake emails to ourselves and responding to them on the site.  We came up with a cool site design.  We joined Facebook.  We joined Twitter.  We had a "meeting" over beers.  We spent hours studying the pool of 2010 NHL unrestricted free agents.****  We were pot committed.

In the weeks and months that followed, we came to see the site as a metaphor.  A metaphor for life, love, fear, the universe, and the Bachelorette.  GTOG sometimes goes in directions you don't expect, that you couldn't expect, and that you may not want.  Yet wherever you go, there's GTOG.  You get out of GTOG what you put into GTOG.   GTOG takes commitment.  GTOG hurts sometimes.  GTOG can take your breath away.  GTOG may obstruct the rest of your life.  GTOG is vast and unknowable, yet accessible.  GTOG tears down walls, guards and protects hearts, and gives blessings.  But GTOG is not a Destination.  GTOG is a Journey.

"That was beautiful."

That chill that just went down your spine is what happens when someone expresses in words certain emotions that you thought you could only feel.  You're welcome.  Let's take a look back at some of the highlights of Year 1:

- We were all over NHL free agency and the NHL trade deadline, and we'll be your go-to site for the NHL again in 2011-12.

- In July 2010, we let down our walls and started recapping the Bachelorette on ABC.  Listen, we were vulnerable.  What else were we supposed to do?  It's not like we could sit through a whole Pirates game.  Funny thing is, we have no regrets.  By letting down our walls, we learned valuable lessons from Bachelor Pad, got hooked on the Bachelor, and gave you pure, naked emotion in our Raw Emotion podcasts.

- We gave you an epic NHL preview in not one, not two, not three, but four parts.  After the season, we graded the defensemen.  And the forwards.

- We covered every Penguins game.  Every single one.  And of course, every episode of HBO 24/7. 

A privilege, not a right.

- We gave you perspective.  On Marc Andre-Fleury.  On Dan Bylsma.  On the entire Penguins team.  And we didn't shy away from controversy.

- We gave you podcasts on a variety of topics, ranging from the unlistenable to the sublime.

- We made fun of Ted Leonsis, Lebron, Alex Ovechkin, Lebron, Rick Malambri, bad Penguins, Rashard Mendenhall, and LeBron.

Got us more hits from Jakarta than you could imagine.

- We gave you inside Hollywood scoop.  Then we gave you some more.  Then we had sushi with Hilary Duff.

- We covered every Steeler game.  Every single one.

- We became Beliebers, and belieb us when we tell you, we got down on Fridays.

Some nobel laureates haven't accomplished that much.

Doesn't get down on Fridays.

Joking aside*****, we're proud of this site.  Not because we have a spiffy new background, or because we think we're such an authority on sports and pop culture******, or because we made $13.50 in advertising revenue this year.*******  No, we're proud of GTOG because every once in a while, someone will let us know we made them laugh, or email us from Thailand to say, hey, thanks for keeping me up to speed on Pens games, or leave a comment on Facebook that "Yes!" she can't wait to listen to the Bachelorette Raw Emotion podcast.  Those things matter.

We don't know what the next year will bring.  There will be a new baby, and maybe a new job or two.  Finesse may date Shawntel from the Bachelorette, but most things are hard to predict with certainty.  There is really only one thing we can say for sure.  One thing we know.  One thing that's ours.  One thing that's yours.  Please, say it with us.  GTOG.



* We'd like to make this much easier on everyone and change the domain name to GTOG.com; however, some cyber-squatter has thus far foiled our plans.

** Only like 8 of these people are members of our families.

*** If you think we're paying $2.95 to dig this Ron Cook column out of the PPG archives, you're nuts.

**** We would have done this anyway.

***** We're not joking.

****** We totally are.

******* That may be an exaggeration.