Big Ben's Barracks: Roethlisberger attempts to lead Miami of Ohio graduates into battle

By Artistry

Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger took to the podium Sunday to address his fellow college graduates, as Miami of Ohio University administrators scrambled to tell him, in the most graceful way possible, that he had not been invited to speak.

"It is my honor today to lead this group of young men and women into the battle of life," Roethlisberger intoned after receiving his Bachelor of Science degree. "Inside each and every one of you, there is greatness. There is a Plax inside of you. There is a 'Tone inside of you. Somewhere inside of you, there is even a 'Tonio or a 'Twan. I can bring that greatness out of you, if you let me."

Mr. Roethlisberger then slowly scanned the crowd, pausing to make eye contact with scores of other graduates, and the Dean of Students then took the opportunity to pull him gently from the stage.

"You are not the valedictorian."

Roethlisberger, 30, has been taking classes the past several years since leaving Miami of Ohio, and by several, we mean 9.  The quarterback will now prepare for his golf trip to Scotland, where he will use his mind to dominate some of the most difficult courses in the world.

So cerebral.