GTOPG: Steelers and Joe Buck Combine Efforts to Destroy Eagles and America, 24-14

By Artistry

No sooner had young C.J. Corn rocked the national anthem with a gorgeous falsetto that hypnotized the Heinz Field crowd into a state of near total silence, and no sooner had Fox announcer Joe Buck begun three hours of the most insipid conversation anyone has ever had with Terry Bradshaw (think about the implications of that statement), than it became clear that this Philadelphia Dream Team thing is a bit of an embarrassment to dream teams, and the Steelers, on the other hand, might just have 7 Super Bowl trophies if Troy Polamalu's achilles tendon had made the trip to Dallas last winter.

- Polamalu's explosion is back, which is a good sign, but he was again recklessly running back an interception in a totally meaningless game, which is not.  If he keeps closing on receivers like that for a full season, no opposing player will ever feel completely safe on (William) Gay Island.

Take a knee.

- The defense generally looked terrific, although I would offer two notes of caution: 1) Mike Vick looked intent on throwing interceptions just so he could try to take guys out at the knees on the ensuing return; and 2) James Harrison keeps tweeting Friday about people sticking these needles in his ass to quell the pain in his wonky back.

- Mike Vick is on average the #6 overall pick in fantasy drafts. He won't be mine.*

- Ben Roethlisberger looks terrific. Unfortunately, he will look progressively less terrific if he gets hit three times on every drive. Losing two lineman a game to injury is not a winning formula.

Offensive line? Good to meet you. Band of Brothers.

- Only a continually decimated offensive line can stop Rashard Mendenhall this year.  The Bin Laden apologist Super Bowl scapegoat looks primed for a 1,500 yard season. Try to ignore all the unnecessary spin moves. Focus on the way he hits the hole at the line of scrimmage. Explosive. Watching Mendenhall, Ike Redman, Mewelde Moore, and that Jonathan Dwyer carve up the middle of the Eagles first team defense makes GTOG feel much better about running back depth.

- The Steelers receiving arsenal is even more impressive. Emanuel Sanders is still hurt, and Mike Wallace got Nnamdi Asomugha'ed, but Hines Ward looks sleeker and hungry as ever, Antonio Brown completely smoked Asante Samuel on the first touchdown, and I feel for any defense forced to contend with the fearsome Byron Leftwich-Jericho Cotchery connection. Cotchery is rangier than I thought he was. Solid player.

* Classic misdirection by me. Now I can take him when he slips to the second round.