It's Not That Hard: GTOG Realigns the NHL

By Finesse

The fallout from the NHL's proposed realignment is very noisy.  Reactions are all over the map.  Here is the proposal, via Puck Daddy.

According to Elliotte Friedman of CBC Sports, each team will play every team outside the division twice (once home, once away).  If the Pens are in a 7-team division, that means 46 out of division games, and 36 in division games (so the Pens would play each team in the division 6 times -- the same as now).  There would be a return to divisional playoffs, where 4 teams from each division would play each other for the right to play the conference's other division winner in the conference finals.  Think Patrick Division.  Pensblog did an excellent analysis of this yesterday, but today, we've got a different plan.

Find out GTOG's proposal after the jump...


There are some assumptions that are accepted as underlying truths, we think, for no apparent reason.

First, Detroit seems to be the most eager to get out of the Western Conference.  There were even reports that Bettman promised he'd move Detroit east once the Atlanta-Winnipeg move was finalized.  We understand Detroit's frustrations with playing in the Western Conference -- if we had to watch, let alone play, thirty 10pm games every year, we'd be pissed too.  But if Detroit wants to move East, then we say goodbye to Wings-Hawks, Wings-Blues, and Wings-Avs rivalries.  Can't have it both ways.  Accordingly, we are not concerned about Detroit's rivalries, and apparently Mike Ilitch isn't that concerned either.

Second, there is no law of nature that says Philadelphia has to be geographically grouped with the New York City metropolitan area.  We understand that Philly is 90 miles from New York.  But it's also about a 34 minute flight from Pittsburgh to Philadelphia.  In the age of chartered jets, it's an enormous reach to say that travel between Pittsburgh and Philly is any more taxing than travel from Philly to New York.  Based on nothing but our own experiences, we'd even bet that flying from Philly to New York takes longer given the crowded skies and airports in New York.

The same goes for Washington.  You literally don't even have time to turn on your iPhone on a flight from Pittsburgh to Washington before they tell you to turn off all electronics.  When traveling by air, there is essentially zero difference in the distances between Washington-NY and Pittsburgh-NY.


Ovechkin: Will wear same outfit either way

So once you dispense with the I-95 Fallacy -- that Washington, Philly, and the three teams from New York must be together -- this is actually pretty easy to figure out.
Here's our proposal for the East, using Bettman's proposed realignment as a template.

Division I
Pittsburgh
Philadelphia
Washington
Detroit
Carolina
Florida
Tampa Bay


Division II
New York Rangers
New York Islanders
New Jersey
Boston
Montreal
Ottawa
Toronto
Buffalo

Our rationale:

Geographically, it makes total sense.  If you took out a map and drew circles around the cities in each division, there would be no overlap.

Rivalry-wise, it preserves almost everything, and in fact may improve the situation. Pittsburgh keeps Philly in the division, and adds two more games per year against the Caps (plus much greater chances of meeting in the playoffs). Detroit also comes into the mix, and if you don't think that the Wings would instantly be as detestable as the Caps and/or Flyers, then you haven't been paying attention.  Sure, Carolina, Florida and Tampa aren't that exciting, but we're about getting wins, not about having brawls at Nassau Coliseum.  And ask the Pens players whether they'd rather spend a January road trip in Florida or in Ottawa-Toronto-Montreal.

Taking Talents to South Beach

The addition of the Caps and Wings to the division more than offsets the loss of the NY-area teams.  The Rangers are a nice rival, but neither team considers the other team to be that important.  The Devils and Islanders are boring.  This proposal also keeps the Boston-Toronto-Montreal rivalry, and adds the media-favorite Boston-NY rivalry.   If the NHL wants to get crazy and make the Eastern Conference with two 8-team divisions instead, then we would be more than happy to welcome Columbus to the mix.

There is no perfect solution. But under the GTOG plan, think of how many Ottawa-New York Islander games you have to look forward to.

GTOG Raw Emotion Podcast: Steelers Beat Patriots 25-17

After a long-overdue and emotional win over the Patriots, we reflect. But we're not raising any banners.

Click here to subscribe on iTunes

iPhone/iPad

Podcast Powered By Podbean

Flash

Podcast Powered By Podbean

"I wonder if they are finally starting to realize that I may have lost my fastball..."

If you can't beat Toronto, you might as well throw a sick Halloween party

By Finesse

When the Pens play on HNIC against Toronto, it's usually one extreme or the other -- think the Valentine's Day massacre or some game where Sid and Geno probably each had hat tricks (not looking it up, but just assuming that it's happened in Toronto).  Last night, as the game crawled by on mute in the background of a big time Halloween party, it was clear that this game wouldn't hit either of the extremes, unless you count Malkin trying to set the record for most penalties taken but least amount of time actually spent in the box.

The definition of something you hope to never see.

Bottom line: nothing to dwell on here.  Pens are going to lose some games.  Hands is going to continue mopping up in front.  Pens PK will miss Michalek.

We look forward, not backwards.

The Myth of the Twitter Boogeyman

By Finesse

There is a weird phenomenon happening and we at GTOG don't like it.

A GTOG Investigation

Bloggers, reporters, and other smart phone-wielding instigators associated with the NHL keep mounting their high-horses to make strong proclamations in response to unspecified boogeymen. Look at your Twitter feed. Odds are you'll soon be watching somebody start an argument with people who don't exist.

What is GTOG talking about? Read on after the jump...

Your boogeyman antenna should go up whenever you see a tweet that starts with the words, "Look people."  Then you need to ask yourself, "What people?"  Shortly after Sidney Crosby's historic press conference, during which he proclaimed that he was progressing but was far from cured, reporters across the country took to Twitter and Facebook (and probably even MySpace) to patronizingly tweet something to the effect of: "Look, people, stop saying Crosby should rush back. He should come back when he is ready."

The Tweet is innocent enough on its own, but suffers from an obvious flaw. WHO ARE THESE "PEOPLE" WHO WERE SAYING THAT SID SHOULD COME BACK BEFORE HE WAS READY?  Our guess: no one.  They're made up.  Fabricated.  We have yet to encounter one legitimate person who has said anything resembling, "I don't care what the long-term effects are, Sid should be a full participant in training camp."  And even if that one person does exist, something of which we are not convinced, why does that mean the rest of us have to endure a condescending and indulgent, "Look, people."

Look, people, this Boogeyman phenomenon is only getting worse.  Rob Rossi, who we genuinely like, may have fallen victim to it in his recap of the Pens 4-1 win over New Jersey last Saturday.  He wrote:

Those critics have suggested that Staal doesn't do enough to earn the $4 million he annually costs against the Penguins' salary cap. They have argued that Staal, a former second overall pick, should be as dazzling as Crosby and Malkin. 

The first sentence is something people can argue, but who is saying that Staal should be as good as Crosby and Malkin, two of the best pure talents ever?  Seriously, who is saying that?  Give us a name!!!  We wonder why people insist on creating these Boogeymen -- it's probably to make them feel like they're winning an argument, even if they aren't arguing against anyone.  It's a similar feeling to writing a blog that no one reads.

@boogeyman, lone taker of positions

Of course, now that this appears to be the cool thing to do, we're in on this phenomenon 100%.  So, people, here is our official response to 10 things that absolutely no one is saying.

10. To all the fathers out there, I hope I don't get any more tweets from you asking for Roethlisberger's phone number for your daughter.

9. Folks, the Pens have sold out over 200 games in a row.  Will you please stop asking me when Mario is going to sell to Boots del Biaggio?

"@boogeyman Pens would be in better hands with this guy at the helm"

8. People, you're incredible.  Sully landed that plane in the Hudson River.  Please stop saying that his pilot's license should be taken away.

7. Guys, Ponikarovsky sucked.  I know that a lot of you are convinced that was Shero's best trade, but come on.

"@boogeyman Ron Francis-esque."

6. People, these hometown dates are not meaningless.  I've gotten, like, so many tweets about it.  Truth is, they're huge.

"@boogeyman Overrated moment. Not a turning point on the journey."

5. Ok, seriously.  All of you need to stop saying that you can see Russia from Alaska.

4. Look everyone, it's time to stop calling for Bylsma's job.  The guy won the Jack Adams, for God's sake.

3. Everyone, I'm telling you, the movie is terrible.  There is no need for so many of you to be demanding tickets to see Bucky Larson.

"@boogeyman Early Oscar favorite. What a movie."

2. I'm speechless.  Everyone keeps telling me that the rapper from the Rebecca Black's "Friday" video is destined for greatness.

1. People, why do you insist on telling me that Netflix's price increase was a great idea?  Seriously.

GTOG Podcast: Pens Win; Steelers-Patriots Preview

We cover the Pens' hot streak, the Steelers-Pats matchup (huge game, arguably the biggest of the season), drafting Andrew Luck, the NBA Lockout, and the highest grossing actor of all time.

Click here to subscribe on iTunes

For iPhone/iPad

Podcast Powered By Podbean

For Flash

Podcast Powered By Podbean

Yes, that's Drew Bledsoe.

Steelers hoping stats don't lie; suspect Brady knows the truth

By Artistry

On paper, it's a matchup of strength against strength. The Patriots come to Heinz Field on Sunday to pit their vaunted passing attack against the Steelers' top ranked pass defense.

There's a really great fro-yo place on Gay Island.

But if you just read the words "Steelers' top ranked pass defense" and reacted by saying anything other than "That can't be right," or, more succinctly, "Bullshit," then you are probably William Gay. The numbers don't mean much when you look at the quarterbacks the Steelers faced over the season's first 7 weeks:

Joe Flacco
Tavaris Jackson
Curtis Painter
Matt Schaub
Matt Hasselbeck
Blaine Gabbert
Kevin Kolb

In a league with those seven quarterbacks, Matt Hasselbeck makes the pro bowl and possibly the Hall of Fame, so forgive GTOG's skepticism on the issue of the Steelers secondary.

Second Team All-Pro in Steelers' Opponents League

The key to Steelers-Pats after the jump...

I became momentarily preoccupied this morning with figuring out how the Steelers are going to cover the Patriots trio of Wes Welker, Aaron Hernandez, and Rob Gronkowski, but really, it was momentary. Because they can't. Ike Taylor covers outside receivers, not slot receivers, and not tight ends. Who else matches up with New England's weapons? You can put Troy Polamalu on Welker or a tight end, but then where does that leave you? It leaves you with James Farrior grabbing at air, that's where. It leaves you with at least one satisfied customer on Gay Island. Sit back in a zone, and Brady completes 13 seven-yard passes to Ben Jarvis Green-Ellis and Danny Woodhead, and the ultimate result is the same.

There is one formula for the Steelers to beat New England on Sunday: 1) Open up the offense; and 2) Blitz Brady. If he beats you, so be it. But if you get the chance to slam him into the turf a couple of times early in the game, that's a tradeoff you have to take.

Not all Bands of Brothers are created equal.

GTOPG: Pens survive sparse, apathetic crowd; Win 3-0

By GTOG Staff

The Pens play the Islanders six times every year.  Four of those games are always competitive, because for the past 5 years, the Isles have had a relatively young, up and coming team that occasionally shows flashes of being competent and sometimes even threatening.  And then there are the other two times the teams play.  In these games, at least two out of the following three things happen: 1) Crosby or Malkin get a hat trick; 2) less than 11,000 people attend the game in Long Island; or 3) Rick DiPietro is healthy enough to be the backup goalie.  Last night was one of the other two times.  The Pens put forward another rock solid performance featuring a harmonic ballet by the Sullivan-Malkin-Neal line; an "I'm playing so well that not even I can blow this shutout by allowing a meaningless late goal" performance by Marc-Andre Fleury; and an on-ice-hockey-lecture from guys like Dupuis, Cooke, Park, and Asham showing the young-and-fun Islanders' kids have a long way to go before they can hang with the big boys.

This is how men celebrate scoring goals.

The Islanders name-to-face quiz, a command performance by the Prime Minister, and a full recap after the jump...

- The big takeaway from last night has to be the steady magnificence of Fleury, who has reached the point where we never worry about him.  We don't worry when he lets a shot ricochet off the boards behind him, off his ass, and then in the net.  We don't worry when he tries to score an empty-net goal but shoots it off his own guy's ass and the other team almost scores (GTOG Prediction: Fleury will score two goals this season when the other team's goalie is pulled: one on the other team, one on himself).  We don't even worry anymore when he goes behind the net to catch a dump-in and tries to pass it through an oncoming forechecker to one of his defensemen.  It's at the point where when Fleury plays well, we no longer think that he bailed the team out -- it's now just a part of how the team plays.

- As for the Islanders, they have a lot of players whose names you've heard for years and will continue to hear for years, but you will never know what any of them look like.  Consider whether you know what any of the following players looks like: Bailey, Comeau, Grabner, Martin, Moulson, Nielsen, Okposo, or Parenteau.  It's a faceless army of fast skaters who run a nice 3-on-2 but may or may not ever win a playoff series.

Your guess is as good as ours.

- Evgeni Malkin returned last night and was spectacular.  He is 6'4", but swoops around the ice like he's 10-feet tall with a 22 foot wingspan.  The puck was either glued to his blade or passed from his blade to a teammate's as if through a sniper rifle.  When the Islanders had the puck and Geno jumped over the boards, he knew, they knew, and the 36 Islanders fans still in their seats for the third period knew, that he was about to take it. Geno, Sully, and Neal didn't score, but they had the single most dominating performance by a Penguin line this season, and probably all of 2011, too.

- Paul Martin was very strong in his first game without partner Zbynek Michalek.  The Prime Minister played 27:18, which is way too much this early in the season, but he was terrific.  There are still a lot of Pens' fans who don't like Martin and Michalek because of their salaries and failure to get a lot of points.  But we bet those fans like the Pens' penalty killing ... and guess which two Pens' defensemen average (by far) the most short-handed time-on-ice per game?  The PK unit hasn't allowed a goal on the road this season, and it's not just narrowly avoiding damage.  It's dominating.

- The Washington Capitals are grabbing the early-season headlines, as they are wont to do, but the evidence shows the Penguins are the most complete team in the league.  First in the league in penalty killing.  4th in faceoff winning percentage.*  Not looking up the power play stats, but it's passing the eyeball test right now, and we can always just put Malkin's line out there and it'll be fine.  Scoring up and down the lineup.  Fleury.  What are we missing?

Super Man Games Lost

- While most of the Pens played very well, it was a rough night for Chris Kunitz.  He rang one shot off the post, but Hands was a little off. 

* Fascinating stat pointed out last night by Steiggy: the Pens have never finished higher than 16th in faceoff wins. Mario always believed it would be unfair if he had the puck all the time.

Islanders forgive Penguins for being assaulted by Islanders

By Artistry

We have official word at this hour that the New York Islanders are not - we repeat not - looking for retribution tonight against the Pittsburgh Penguins. This is refreshing, because we were sure Jack Capuano's men would be out for justice after their fists were attacked by so many Penguins' faces last February 11. Big sigh of relief.


How dare you, Eric Tangradi.

 LGP.

Wake Up With GTOG: In case you forgot, Joe Flacco reminds you that he's still Joe Flacco

By Finesse

It's tough to explain this:

Until you see this:

3.6 yards per pass attempt.  In other news, the Steelers are in first place.

GTOPG: Steelers beat another bad team in unimpressive fashion so as to lower expectations against Patriots (wow, well done); Win 32-20

By Artistry

When the NFL released its schedule for the 2011 season and he saw New England coming up on the docket in Week 8, Mike Tomlin really had only two options: A) play solid September football, follow that up with three weeks of sound October football, welcome the Patriots to Heinz Field for a clash between the two best teams in the AFC, watch as Tom Brady spreads the field against the Steelers suddenly suspect defense, grimace as Wes Welker and Aaron Hernandez catch a combined 28 passes for 332 yards and 6 touchdowns, shudder as the Pats manage to eat the clock in the 4th quarter by handing the ball to a running back you've never even heard of even though you play in a 16 team fantasy league, then get ready for Baltimore; or B) start the year with a total debacle of a performance against the arch-rival Ravens, take another loss to a playoff team (Houston) that isn't nearly as close as the final score suggests, and string together 5 wins against non-playoff teams that are so uninspired that the Steelers end up home underdogs against New England (-2.5). He chose "B."

Here's the thing. The Steelers could be a top flight but underachieving team that overcomes a spate of early season injuries to again emerge as the class of the AFC. We could beat the Patriots. We just have no expectation whatsoever that that will actually happen. So kudos to Coach Tomlin. Brilliant strategy.

 - The most promising thing we took from Sunday's game in Arizona is that it never felt for a moment like the Steelers could lose it. We can't say the same thing about the wins against Jacksonville and Indianapolis. Really, you can't have enough games where you have absolutely no fear that the Steelers will completely relax in the 4th quarter and allow a miracle comeback; i.e., you can't have enough games against Kevin Kolb. The Steelers obvious weaknesses through the early part of the season - the woeful pass protection, the deplorable run blocking, and James Farrior - all were present against the Cardinals. It's just that bad teams can't consistently take advantage of them.

- Ben Roethlisberger, on the other hand, can take advantage of bad teams. He was brilliant in sticking the dagger in the Cards when they managed to pull within 3 in the second half. Perhaps the best example of Ben's preternatural pocket awareness was the play where he sensed pressure from no fewer than three rushers and managed to find Ike Redman for a little dump off and first down. He even brought back the patented, Oscar-worthy elbow flex/arm roll combination that's brought him so much critical acclaim over the years. When one day someone makes a documentary about Ben's heroism, Dan Dierdorf will lobby to narrate it.

- Much has been made of Mike Wallace's impact on the offense, and that's well-deserved. If you don't realize how great Mike Wallace is, consider he is once again averaging more than 20 yards-per-catch (20.3) after averaging 21 ypc last season and 19.4 ypc as a rookie in 2009. Randy Moss never averaged 20 ypc in a season. We've been watching the beginning of a career that could be historically great. But don't lose sight of the fact that Roethlisberger has been consistently targeting Antonio Brown. On Sunday, we saw that focus on getting Brown the ball start to pay off, as Brown hauled in 7 passes for 102 yards and made one spectacular catch on 3-and-5 during a game-sealing 3rd quarter drive. If the Steelers can arrange to use New England's offensive line next week, this is a passing attack that could really explode against the Patriots.

- Note to Rashard Mendenhall: you suck, and you're in danger of losing your starting job to Mewelde Moore. There. Now we can look forward to Rashard Mendenhall running for 100 yards next week.

- So pleased Lamarr Woodley decided to join us this season. Here's GTOG co-founder Finesse, stuck today on jury duty: "Woodley grabs people like a grizzly bear scooping a 50 pound salmon out of the water in Alaska."

- We don't even recognize the Steelers defensive line anymore, although one of those guys does look like Ironhead Heyward, and that McClendon person seems inspired by the Steelers dedication of the remainder of the season to all-time great Steelers d-lineman Aaron Smith. Finesse is unsentimental. "There is no doubt that Aaron Smith has been a great player for the Steelers, but that time has come to an end," he said. "That is, his time as a Steeler needs to come to an end. I'm sure that if Smith was healthy, he could still be a very solid contributor, but the chances of that happening are lower than the chances of Big Ben not wincing on camera during a game. He's been knocked out with season-ending injuries in something like 4 of the last 5 years; as tough as it will be to see him go, it's unfair to ask the Steelers to continue paying a guy to play 4 games and then tear a muscle somewhere in his upper body." Besides, we can still count on Willie Colon for that.

Tearing tendons and collecting paychecks since 2010

Zybnek Michalek Breaks Finger; Plans to Spend More Time with Family

By Artistry

TSN's Bob McKenzie reports this morning that heroic shot blocker and general defender of the net Zbynek Michalek will miss a month of games with a broken finger, and if at any moment you think the Pittsburgh Penguins will have all of their important players in the lineup at one time, destiny may opt to take a dump on your chest.

Michalek baby also likely to poop on chest

Wake Up With GTOG: Ron Cook Reminds You That Mike Wallace is Fast; Steelers Win 32-20

By Finesse

A full Post Game will be up later today, but let's get the morning started with some Ron Cook poetry featuring rhetorical questions, needless repetition, bizarre use of italics and colons, and at least one "indeed."

Shame on Arizona Cardinals defensive coordinator Ray Horton.
Cornerback Richard Marshall isn't.
Here's the first of two amazing things:
And the second amazing thing:
We're talking unbelievable speed.
Teams keep kicking to Hester.
He keeps doing it.
How does this keep happening?
Oh, it's real, all right.
It showed up on the scoreboard.
Deflating for the Cardinals?
Deflating, indeed, Cardinals coach Ken Whisenhunt admitted.
Still, Wallace won.
"He's a freak show out there ... "
That day is coming fast.
Of course, it's coming fast.
With Wallace, how else would it come?

Tough crowd.

GTOPG: Pens Outmaneuver Devils; Win 4-1

By Finesse

Last season when the Pens were missing Sid and Geno, every game was a nail-biter.  The Pens were scraping and clawing for every goal.  It got so bad that you probably said to yourself more than once, "Bylsma should be double shifting Kennedy right now."

This season, the Sid and Geno-less Pens have a completely different feel -- a borderline dominant one.  You actually expect the Pens to score goals and don't act surprised when they score one on the power play.  If Fleury lets in a bad goal -- which he rarely does -- you don't think that just lost the team the game.  If the Pens hit a rut, you say to yourself with total belief, "it's OK, as long as we're rolling Richard Park, Jordan Staal, and Dustin Jeffrey down the middle, something special will happen."  And then it does.

It's too early in the season to get too high or too low, so we're going to keep things in perspective.   But right now, the Pens are cruising along like Vin Diesel when he shifts gears 20 times during a car chase scene from Fast & Furious.

Just wait until we can flip the nitro booster.

Go Pens.

Countdown to NFL Week 7: The NFC East and Chris Cooley's Frustrations

By Finesse

[We're counting down to Week 7 with analysis of some of the league's biggest stories. In Part 1, we covered The Carson Palmer Hypothetical; in Part 2 we looked at the Donovan McNabb trade; and in Part 3 we surveyed the AFC playoff picture.]

The NFC East

A common theme you've heard this year is that the NFC East is down.  At least two problems with that theory:

1) It implies that the NFC East is usually "up" which is odd because the Cowboys have won one postseason game since the 1990's (which was followed by a 30-point loss), the Redskins aren't half as relevant on a national stage as they think they are, the Giants are one lucky helmet catch away from being a footnote to history, and the Eagles annually find creative ways to pour gasoline on their fans and set them ablaze.

"I told you! I want to use all my timeouts in the third quarter!"

2) This season, the NFC East is actually NOT down -- it's the same as it always is.  Technically, this depends on whether you think the Eagles can turn it around because if they can, then you have four teams that are each tough: the Skins and Cowboys have strong defenses, the Giants can run the ball, and the Eagles are as explosive as anyone when Michael Vick isn't getting concussed.  Though the anti-east-coast-bias'ers may want to bury the NFC East, the fact is that there is only one team in the entire NFC -- Green Bay -- that is definitively and unquestionably better than every team in the NFC East.

Staying in the NFC East: Chris Cooley is Frustrated

You may remember his brother Tanner -- yes, he's named after an adjective and has a Twitter account dedicated to being the parrot on his big brother's shoulder who chirps back at people who critique Chris  -- as the guy who blogged in February of 2009 that he saw Sidney Crosby "cry like a 7 year old who got beat up by the school yard bully" and that the Penguins wouldn't make the playoffs.

Chris, the Redskins' backup tight end, is out indefinitely with a hand injury and he feels "frustrated."  He has vowed to come back at a higher level than before, which presumably means he will go from definitely being a non-threat to probably being a non-threat.

Contrast his current disappointment with the delight he felt a few weeks ago when Tony Romo was throwing unlimited interceptions.  Here's some of what he wrote at the time:

And as a player who has decided to share my real personality with the fan base, I make a clear choice with expressing my political incorrectness as an entertaining attempt to engage as a real person. I will not apologize if my sense of humor and hint of sarcasm is difficult to ascertain by the more serious NFL supporters.

Just as Cooley was delighted about Romo's failures, we're delighted by his rapid skill-decline.  We will not apologize to our less serious readers for the fact that we aren't trying to be funny or sarcastic about that -- we're genuinely delighted.

This occurred while the 10-1 Steelers were defeating the 3-8 Redskins in 2004.

Look, we don't really know whether Cooley is on the decline because he's not good enough to be on anyone's fantasy team so no one really cares.  But what we do know is that if you ever find yourself in a position of trying to explain to people that you have a sense of humor, you've done something wrong.  Likewise, if you're an overpaid and injury prone tight end who had 8 catches this season before your injury, and your backup is probably going to make the Pro Bowl, you should rent, not buy.  We don't know whether he's washed up.  But it sounds like the water is running.

Countdown to NFL Week 7: The AFC Playoff Picture: Who is the best Leader of Men?

By Finesse

[We're counting down to Week 7 with analysis of some of the league's biggest stories.  In Part 1, we covered The Carson Palmer Hypothetical and in Part 2 we looked at the Donovan McNabb trade.  Also check out our podcast here.]

Sometimes the NFL is a difficult league to figure out.  Other times, it is as clear as day and you just need to come to GTOG to see the full picture.  We're going to simplify the AFC playoff race for you right now.  Here are the standings:

In the AFC, all indications are that the 4 division winners are going to be Baltimore, New England, San Diego, and either Houston or Tennessee.  For Steeler fans who think I'm conceeding the division to Baltimore prematurely, consider: the Ravens demolished the Steelers and they have a +77 point differential in 5 games (the Steelers are +17 in 6 games).  Of course the Steelers could still win the division, but we also thought they'd put away the Jags easily once they got up 17-0.

That would leave the following teams to battle for the two wild card spots: Pittsburgh, Buffalo, NY Jets, Oakland, and Houston or Tennessee.  Yes, I am leaving 4-2 Cincinnati out on purpose.  Remember, they are the Bengals.

The Steelers exposed Tennessee, so even though Houston isn't great, you have to figure that they take the South at 10-6 and the Titans don't get more than 9 wins.  (And if they don't then Tennessee will win it at 9-7.  The point: Neither is getting a wild-card).  Oakland is replacing Jason Campbell with Carson Palmer, which reminds me of the time I got a D on a science test in 4th grade, begged the teacher to let me take it again, and then got an F.  So we're left with Buffalo, Pittsburgh, and the Jets for the two wild-card spots.

The Steelers have the easiest road to at least 10-6 and a playoff birth.  Even if you aren't sold on how the Steelers have played this year -- and how could you be? -- the fact remains that the Steelers have 5 easily winnable games remaining: at Arizona, at Kansas City, Cleveland twice, and home against St. Louis.  That would get the Steelers to 9 wins, meaning they'd only have to win one out of the following 5 games to hit the magic 10-win mark: home to New England and Baltimore, two games against Cincy, and at a suddenly formidable San Francisco.  In other words, the Steelers can make the playoffs by continuing their early season trend of losing to good teams and escaping bad teams merely by continuing to lose to good teams and escaping bad teams.  It could be wild-card weekend before we actually know what kind of Steelers team we're working with.

General Dwight D. Roethlisberger, Commander of His Guys

The final wild-card spot will probably be decided by the two games remaining between the Bills and the Jets.  If either team sweeps, the playoff spot should be theirs.  But if they split, then the edge has to go to the Fred Jackson's Buffalo Bills because they still get to play Tony Sparano's Dolphins twice.

So, what have we learned?  First and foremost, the Steelers must make the playoffs.  It's almost impossible for them not to.  Second, razors are no defense against Joe Flacco's eyebrows.  Finally, and as we've been saying forever, the NFL is about having the best quarterback.  You can have a cute regular season with a merely decent QB (San Francisco), but unless you have a top 5 QB or are related to Peyton Manning, you aren't winning the Super Bowl.

You just aren't.

2011 - Aaron Rodgers
2010 - Drew Brees
2009 - Colonel Ben Roethlisberger
2008 - Peyton Manning's Brother
2007 - Peyton Manning
2006 - Private First Class Ben Roethlisberger
2005 - Tom Brady
2004 - Tom Brady
2003 - [ignoring]
2002 - Tom Brady
2001 - [also ignoring, but had best defense ever]
2000 - Kurt Warner
1999 - John Elway
1998 - John Elway
1997 - Brett Favre
1996 - Troy Aikman
1995 - Steve Young
1994 - Troy Aikman
1993 - Troy Aikman

GTOG Podcast: Pens Keep Winning; Should General Roethlisberger be Given More Ammunition to Lead His Men?

Have you ever wanted to listen to a super low-energy podcast with sound issues that is borderline incoherent and goes 10 minutes longer than it should?  Great!  In this week's podcast, we discuss the Pens, the Steelers, the World Series, and even the NBA lockout.

Click here to subscribe on iTunes

For iPhone/iPad:

Podcast Powered By Podbean

For Flash:

Podcast Powered By Podbean

Give this man more responsibility!

Pens vs. Habs: "Let the Speculation Begin"

By Artistry

Further confirmation today that Mike Cammalleri is a huge douche. Really, when asked by a reporter if he's going to make a return to the lineup after suffering a relatively minor injury, who says, "Let the speculation begin"? Mike Cammalleri, that's who. You may not realize this living in the hockey bubble of Quebec, Mike, but for everyone in the entire rest of the world, you don't exactly move the meter.


Let the violent retching begin.

Also, word out of Montreal is the Penguins are only good because they get high draft picks.

See that? Now you're ready for the game. GTOG podcast afterwards. LGP.

Countdown to NFL Week 7: Donovan McNabb Gets Benched; Leslie Frazier Translator Reacts

By Finesse

Leading up to Sunday's action, we're going to be reacting to some of the big stories in the NFL.  Yesterday, we explored The Carson Palmer Hypothetical.  Today, we look at Donovan McNabb's benching.

Donovan McNabb Gets Benched

One of the biggest dangers to democracy is athletes who don't know they aren't funny.  Cue Donovan McNabb.

Breaking sports news video. MLB, NFL, NBA, NHL highlights and more.

The unnecessary laugh that occurs at the 45 second mark after he says "deep dish pizza" is the Unnecessary Laugh of Legends. I'll be showing that clip to my grandchildren. I look forward to not watching him when he's co-hosting ESPN Sunday NFL Countdown next year.

But we wonder if he's fake laughing today, now that he's been replaced by rookie Christian Ponder?

For some insight on the quarterback change, let's take a ride on the Leslie Frazier translator.  Here's what the coach said after the Vikes' 39-10 loss on Sunday when asked about Ponder.

"The only qualifier is what's best for our team, and that will be the criteria we use when we sit down and continue these discussions over the next couple days. For a guy who gets limited reps in practice, it seems he had a good grasp, like we thought he would, of our offense."

[...Running the GTOG Leslie Frazier Translator...]

"Here's my dilemma.  I'm in way over my head.  But beyond that, here's my other dilemma.  I have no idea what is best for our team.  The best thing would probably be to try to go 1-15 and draft Andrew Luck, but there is no chance I'll still be the coach when that happens, so I don't know how that would benefit me.  So I could continue to have Donovan McNabb throw grounders to our receivers.  That's one option.  Or, I could go with Christian, who has a grasp of our offense.  I don't know what our offense actually is, but he is grasping it."

While we have the Translator out, read on for a bonus translation...

The Tony Sparano Era

Though the Vikings are 1-5, at least they have a win.  Their counterparts in dreadfulness in Miami are 0-5 and have Matt Moore starting at quarterback.  Rumors about head coach Tony Sparano are swirling.  Here's what he had to say:

“I need to coach better.  They need to play better. ... The thing that frustrates me the most is knowing the amount of work that these guys put in on the practice field to correct some of the things we know hurt us.  And then you go out and see those things haunt you."

[Running the Tony Sparano Translator]

"Look.  I'm not going to become a better coach overnight.  It's conceivable that I'll get worse, but definitely not better.  The things that are hurting us are things that we wish we could control, but can't because the other teams have much better players than us.  My best chance of lasting through the season is to continue coaching to the best of my ability to ensure that we lose all of our remaining games so that the coach who replaces me can have Andrew Luck.  I'm hoping I'll be compensated for this in some manner."

GTOPG: Dupuis, Kunitz, Cooke, and BJ Lead the Way; Pens Win 4-2

By GTOG Staff

No one wants to hear about how the Penguins are missing all their top players, or how tired they are, or how the early season schedule seems specially designed to disadvantage them. We're tired of excuses. But going into Tuesday's game in Minnesota, we were fully prepared to make them: No Crosby, Malkin, Fleury, Orpik, Letang, Kennedy, or Jeffrey. No rest between games. A hungry Mike Yeo on the Wild bench. Cal f-ing Clutterbuck. As it turns it out, Minnesota is left wondering this morning why they traded Pascal Dupuis for Adam Hall in 2007.

- Certainly the Pens have an advantage over everyone else in the league at the top of the roster assuming, of course, that Sid and Geno are healthy.  But make no mistake about it, the heart and soul of this team is not embodied in any one person, but is best exemplified by three guys: Pascal Dupuis, Chris Kunitz, and Matt Cooke, ages 32, 32, and 33, respectively.  For super-talents like Sid and Geno, the prime of their careers is usually in the 25-28 year old range.  But for guys like these three, who can capably play any role they are asked, their early thirties is their prime.  They're physically stronger than the 20-somethings, and their experience is invaluable.  Each of these three is at the point where his veteran savvy is at its maximum, but the physical abilities haven't started to diminish.  Is a 22 year-old first round pick going to win a puck battle against a 32-year old man with this beard?

- The shorthanded goal engineered by Cooke and Dupuis is a prime example of this veteran savvy and moxie. If you're a point man on the power play trying to get a shot or a pass through Cooke, you don't see a man constantly vilified for dirty play. You just see an enormous pain in your ass. Cooke shut down the lane and showed incredible patience and vision by angling a blind pass off the boards to the streaking Dupuis. And what a finish by Super Duper.  Same thing for Kunitz's goal, which was created by him baiting a defenseman into a turnover, and then setting his body in perfect position to receive a pass in his wheelhouse delivered by Dupuis.

- GTOG was primed this week to send out an APB on Kunitz's hands. Also not necessary. Even though his first goal was some time coming, Kunitz continues to make at least one player on every NHL team curl up and weep like Glenn Close in "The Big Chill." On Tuesday, it was Jared Spurgeon.

So delicate. So tender.

- Brent Johnson was heroic last night.  We have complete and total confidence when he plays, except during shootouts.

- Team MVP Jimmy Neal fired yet another puck through a goalie last night, but we defy anyone to argue he's playing much differently than last spring, when he managed 1 goal in like 27 games. He was one of the best players on the ice during that cold stretch, too. He's not a streaky player. He's a streaky scorer.

- If you could have one guy in your lineup tomorrow, would it be Neal or Hossa?

- It looked like Letang replacement Brian Strait suffered some kind of wrist injury and had to leave the game early, putting even more pressure on a suddenly beleaguered defense. But Paul Martin and Zbynek Michalek sucked it up and played almost exactly half the game. Also, Deryk Engelland started blocking shots with his face, so that helped.

- By any measure, Martin and Michalek have not been great 5-on-5 this season, but to bash them now would be to blind yourself to the facts on the ice -- these two are anchoring a penalty killing unit that was almost singularly responsible for the Pens having home-ice advantage in the first round of the playoffs last year, and is one 4-on-3 overtime goal against away from being perfect this season.  Yes, we want more from them.  But that doesn't mean we aren't also getting a lot as it is.

Rocks.

Mike Cammalleri in town on Thursday night.  Go Pens.

Countdown to NFL Week 7: The Carson Palmer Hypothetical

By Finesse

Over the next few days, we'll be counting down to Week 7 by checking in on some of the big stories happening around the NFL.  Today, we look at the Carson Palmer trade.

The Carson Palmer Hypothetical 

Imagine that you bought a brand new BMW in 2003.  You were super excited when you bought it and thought it would help turn around all your bad luck.  In fact, it won an award from the BMW factory for being the best car the factory manufactured all year.  For the first few years, it ran perfectly, outperforming almost all other cars in its class, and consistently being voted one of the top cars of the year.  2005 was its best year ever -- it got from Pittsburgh to DC in under 3h30m and climbed this hill in Beechview in an historic ice storm without problems.



But in January 2006, your BMW went up against it's biggest challenge yet -- trying to navigate out of the Mellon Arena upper parking lot after an overtime loss where the attendant working the Centre Avenue exit left the bar down before he got drunk and passed out so everyone had to take the Bedford Avenue exit instead.  A real nightmare, but something you were sure your BMW could handle.

Just as you expertly navigate to an open lane and are about to exit onto Bedford Avenue, a guy with a German-sounding name sideswipes your left side and knocks our both your tires.  You're crushed, your car gets towed, and you're the last one out of the lot.

You spend all summer trying to repair the damage, but the best you can manage to put on the left side of your car are two tiny little replacement tires that enable you to go half as fast as you used to.  Now the outside of the car looks the same, but something is off.  You miss exits.  You stall the car in traffic.  Your biggest rival car -- a huge hulking white van from Ohio that looks like the kind of van you tell your daughter never to get in -- wins Car Of The Year twice in four years.

Manufactured in Findlay, Ohio

You continue driving the BMW for a few more years before realizing that you have to get a new car as a backup plan, just in case.  Your BMW feels spurned by this betrayal, so it refuses to work for you.  You remind it that you've invested a fortune in maintenance of it, but it doesn't care.  It still thinks it's running like it was in 2004 and 2005.  The situation only gets worse when your new car -- a red-top American-made car from Texas -- starts performing pretty well.  You start to like the new car better, but you're still so mad at the BMW's stubbornness that you refuse to trade it in and let him go to a new owner.  As the BMW sits there for months, its value deteriorates to almost nothing.  You're stuck, and think you'll never be able to get rid of it, especially with its blown-out left side tires.

But then the son of a recently deceased insane car dealership owner calls you and offers you your choice of two brand new shiny cars in exchange for the BMW.

"If I had been alive these past 12 years, I would have made much worse trades than this."