"You don't want to spoil that kid. You hope he never changes." Clock is ticking.
Kamis, 30 Juni 2011
Rabu, 29 Juni 2011
Petr Svoboda Calls it a Night; Ray Shero Never Sleeps
By Artistry
There goes the Penguins artificial Wednesday deadline to fish or cut bait with Jaromir Jagr, who said he'd have a decision like 6 hours ago and has now evidently disappeared, leaving his poor agent to field phone calls from mischievous pensbloggers. Who would pull something like this? Only Jagr. Or LeBron.
Meanwhile, Shero hasn't blinked. Pens resign Arron Asham tonight to a 1 year, $775,000 deal. After leading the team in offense during the 2011 playoffs, we'd say it's fair that he now accounts for about 1% of the team's payroll.
There goes the Penguins artificial Wednesday deadline to fish or cut bait with Jaromir Jagr, who said he'd have a decision like 6 hours ago and has now evidently disappeared, leaving his poor agent to field phone calls from mischievous pensbloggers. Who would pull something like this? Only Jagr. Or LeBron.
Meanwhile, Shero hasn't blinked. Pens resign Arron Asham tonight to a 1 year, $775,000 deal. After leading the team in offense during the 2011 playoffs, we'd say it's fair that he now accounts for about 1% of the team's payroll.
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| Bank. |
Selasa, 28 Juni 2011
RHONY Episode 12 Recap: Party Like It's Pre-2008
By Sheer Elegance, GTOG Special Guest Blogger
OMG Event planning! Ramona Avery and LuAnn Victoria are both turning sixteen and are planning Super Sweet Sixteen parties. “Man, you definitely look like you’re more than sixteen,” says Anthony, LuAnn’s creepy event planner. Avery is bitchy. “Mom, it’s not your party! I need 10, 000 square feet. You can have, like five guests.” LuAnn just wants her daughter to have a simple little party, you know, like at a nightclub in Manhattan called Arena, because, “It’s like an arena.” Avery does not want a winter wonderland theme. She does not want performers, because it will seem like a Bat Mitzvah. She likes control and she does not like break dancing. She doesn’t, like, want a Hollywood theme. Anthony suggests an ice luge with mocktails sliding down it for Victoria. She seems into it.
Avery is a stone cold killer, while Victoria seems more shy and grateful to her mom. I am having palpitations watching these Housewife mothers with their Housewife daughters. I want my 4 year old to never grow, ever.
Sonja comes to Jill’s dermatologist’s office to meet with Jill’s sister the lawyer about her bankruptcy problems. I too like to conduct all my meetings at my dermatologist. It’s just convenient, and I like the chairs.
Read the full recap here...
Poor Sonja. “I’m a lover, a gardener, a hostess. I’m not Donald Trump filing chapter 11.” Jill’s sister is good on TV and good at explaining money stuff. I suspect she’ll have a show soon on Bravo. Meeting over. Let’s go watch Jill get a “liquid facelift” by getting needles stuck up to her brain by a name brand doctor. “Ok, let’s enjoy ourselves,” Sonja says, ironically. Sister still got her sense of humor. Ouchie! That looks like it fucking kills. The dermatologist loves loves loves loves doing it. It makes her so happy. Sorry, that is just a strange thing to say. Maybe she loves the way her patients look afterwards, but can she really like the process? Can you imagine a pediatrician saying, “I love giving these shots to kids!” Is it really worth getting this for free Jill? Gross.
LuAnn and Cindy are planning a surprise party at Chez Josephine, a restaurant run by Elton John. Bawby is here in one of his new suits Jill picked out for him last week. Bawby!!
Ramona invites LuAnn to Avery's party and seems surprised that Luann is having her daughter’s party on the same night. She is being competitive with her number of guests and undermining LuAnn left and right. Luann tries to pass her off to the magician and Ramona is incredibly rude to him – talking over him as he attempts to his sad little tricks. Here comes Simon wearing a caftan made with Zarin fabrics! Murray Hill the drag king says he’s dressed like a lesbian, which Ramona finds high-larious.
Everyone thinks its Jill coming through the door but false alarm, its only Howie’s girlfriend making a face like she swallowed something in the car on the way over. Oh hi Howie. But now here’s Jill and her hag friend from the Island and their liquid facelifts. She’s surprised! Thought she was going to see a show. “Look what Bawby bought me.” Giant freaking diamonds. She is totally dying right now.
And here is Ramona, undermining in the confessional. The party sucked. The room was narrow, uncomfortable, and she couldn’t talk to people.
Jacques tinkling the keys of the piano. Cindy is funny. Does a nice toast, she’s comfortable in that setting. This is the candle lighting at Bat Mitzvah party Avery did not want. Here’s weirdo Kelly apologizing about the surprise and being late. Look, there’s Michael Musto! Babwy’s toast: “You’re my wife, my lovah, and my best friend. Come mere baby! Kiss and a hug.”
Ramona is typing on her blackberry – “this party needs a jump start.” She puts on a red wig she pulled out of Kelly’s Dora the Explorer Backpack and does a vengeful imitation of Jill. “Bawby, my diamonds aren’t big enough.” While true, it’s not “classy” at all. Pretty mean. Everyone else is being nice. Jill does not like this imitation.
Here comes LuAnn down the stairs in a strapless dress with a giant peacock on her head. She is singing a song she wrote about Jill and channeling Josephine Baker. A huge “woman man” Ramona calls her. “What a bee-yoo-tiful voice” says Jill. Her voice is awful. As far as Housewife parties go, this one looks kind of fun. They seem to be having a good time for once.
LuAnn takes Victoria shopping for a dress, but can’t help picking up something for herself. She’s being ok tonight -- self-aware at least for once. Victoria tries on a lot of slutty dresses and settles on one.
Back in Brooklyn, an awesome schlumpy Brooklyn hypnotist with an unspecified accent comes to see Simon and Alex. Simon has tried a couple of times to quit smoking and this guy is here to help. Alex looks skeptical but is going along with it. Simon has to go have one more cigarette before getting hypnotized, which is strange, but addiction is like that I suppose. Simon is doing it for the boys. Alex knows nagging doesn’t work but that doesn’t mean it stops wives like me from trying.
Hypnotist hypnotizes. I’m surprised he doesn’t dangle a giant pocket watch in front of Simon’s face and say, “you are getting very very sleepy.” Simon slumps over and the hypnotist starts yelling at Simon, “You are a non-smoker!” I love this guy! I want him to come over and yell at me that eating Swedish fish is bad. Simon wakes up and feels like there is a yucky taste in his mouth from the cigs. Alex looks surprised and skeptical. They embrace, to new beginnings. Simon looks not so good so lets hope he is taking care of his weird self and that it isn’t just cigarettes he is abusing.
Next scene is Avery and her friends going to a new restaurant. They walk down the street arm in arm and sit at the table and eat pizza and talk about the party. They seem very glossy and mature and Gossip Girly. Avery basically says that anybody who is anybody from the city is coming to the party. Her BFF saw the guest list and seems to approve, especially since “David” is coming. Ramona tells us in a confessional that Avery has an elite group of friends. And get Justin Beiber to come, one of the Housewives in Training says. Or Katy Perry. Jesus. Elite group indeed.
Cindy and Alex are working out with Cindy’s adorable trainer, which is great, except that Cindy has a stinky hoody. She looks great for having such little kids. She must work out hard and expensively. Cindy doesn’t really seem to get bothered by much. I think I would like to be friends with her and meet her trainer.
Into Avery’s party which is being set up for the night. Avery squeals with her BFF about the furniture and the décor but everyone is afraid of lawsuits so they call off this really exciting fake snow that the party planners were so psyched about. Ramona – who is afraid of no one -- looks totally scared of Avery, and I would be too. She is so happy that Avery is happy, but almost as if she is the personal assistant to Mariah Carey or something, like she can never please her and she finally got her to get excited for five minutes.
Mario is very conservative and doesn’t want there to be beds at the party, which really is a natural fit for sixteen year olds. Ramona has convinced him that these are seating. I’m sure Mario knows his way around a cabana bed. He seems much more wary of the cameras than he used to a few seasons ago – I wonder what’s going on behind the scenes here. Ramona is worried about the wine. Hey, event planner lady who looks constantly exasperated, where is that goddamned wine? Seriously. This is going to cost as much as a wedding! How is Ramona this rich again???? She’s very nervous about the wine. She dials a random number on her blackberry and asks for the Ramona Singer Pinot Grigio and um, some vodka. Too bad its Jill’s dermatologist and not the liquor store on Park and 82nd.
Victoria’s party. I’m so excited that the music producer from LuAnn’s single is DJing! Sweet! I think I spotted him at Jill’s surprise party too. Victoria has no problem with performers – people are hanging from the ceiling and juggling. FYI Avery, it doesn’t feel at all like a Bat Mitzvah. Kelly gives her a box of something and has a great Kellyism in a confessional. “Victoria is a cool girl. If she’s not like a Marc Jacobs muse or working for French Vogue in five years, then I don’t know anything.” OMG.
Avery is on the way to her party in the pre-requisite limo with her friends. Their dresses are crazy short, their hair and make-up professional.
The two parties happen to be on the same night, so the Housewives must choose between them. So contrived. Jill and Kelly go first to Victoria’s and arrive next at Ramona’s. Jill makes a dig right away that she’s never seen an adult section at a party like this and its only for impressing Ramona’s fancy friends. I can see Jill doing the exact same thing. If there hadn’t been a separate section she would have been dissing on her for that. “Its just not done that the adults should mingle with the kids. They should have their own section.” She really is a hater.
Though Avery’s is rather opulent, fancier than most weddings. Lots of lighting design and white leather furniture. Sonja looks glamorous but a bit worn. Came to the party with the adult section. I don’t blame her. Its February in New York and bitch is broke. Jill to the catering guy “no napkins – how could you have no napkins?” Looking for a fight this one is.
Ramona is feeling competitive. Wants to know what the theme was at LuAnn’s from the ladies who went there first. She argues with Jill about whether Ramona created a club from this loft space and if it’s different than just booking the party in an actual club. The editors of this show are so naughty. They show Ramona saying, “Why would I have a party in a club when Avery can’t be in a club for another 5 years.” And right as she says in a voiceover, “it sends a mixed message,” they show her nervously at the party taking a gulp of her wine.
Then Avery tells Kelly that she wants Ramona and her friends out of there. She’s does a verbal eye roll every time she opens her mouth. Kelly steps in to tell Ramona to get the hell out of Avery’s space that Ramona probably paid 500,000 dollars for.
Victoria seems to be having slightly more fun than Avery, but it could just be that she’s hammered. Her party looks more like an actual party than the stage-managed one Ramona Avery is hosting. Part of what’s weird about Avery’s is there’s no music, and there’s too much space. No one is yelling, or dancing. Just posing for professional photographers. Crazy how Avery knows exactly what to do in front of them. The right smile and hip pivot. Scary. She probably already has a line of party planning jewelry or something that she’s working on.
What’s this? Bawby has had a few drinks and is getting up in it with Simon! “Peace and love is my mantra,” he says to Simon. I’ve never heard Babwy talk so much. Look at his Jewish Mafia style, those glasses, that hair. “We had dinner, we love the kids. The girls had a rough patch.” God I love his intonation – it is so familiar. “An internet blog, a hate blog, hate mongers.” One of those Internet bloggity things. He is sort of telling Simon off and Simon is likely lying. Not sure what is going on but here comes Smoove Mario to smoove it over. I’m sure we’ll hear more about the hate mongers and Simon’s general grossness next week. “To peace, love and health,” says Bawby.
For the record, I would have preferred Victoria’s party with the ice luges and the Ecstasy brought in by Lu’s music producer with the mohawk. Having Jill complain about the steak tartar and how the lighting design was over the top/not sophisticated enough would have been a huge drag. Though I would have attended either affair if only to give Bawby a hug and smell his Drakkar Noir aftershave.
Peace, love, health.
xo
OMG Event planning! Ramona Avery and LuAnn Victoria are both turning sixteen and are planning Super Sweet Sixteen parties. “Man, you definitely look like you’re more than sixteen,” says Anthony, LuAnn’s creepy event planner. Avery is bitchy. “Mom, it’s not your party! I need 10, 000 square feet. You can have, like five guests.” LuAnn just wants her daughter to have a simple little party, you know, like at a nightclub in Manhattan called Arena, because, “It’s like an arena.” Avery does not want a winter wonderland theme. She does not want performers, because it will seem like a Bat Mitzvah. She likes control and she does not like break dancing. She doesn’t, like, want a Hollywood theme. Anthony suggests an ice luge with mocktails sliding down it for Victoria. She seems into it.
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| There will be none of this nonsense. |
Sonja comes to Jill’s dermatologist’s office to meet with Jill’s sister the lawyer about her bankruptcy problems. I too like to conduct all my meetings at my dermatologist. It’s just convenient, and I like the chairs.
Read the full recap here...
Poor Sonja. “I’m a lover, a gardener, a hostess. I’m not Donald Trump filing chapter 11.” Jill’s sister is good on TV and good at explaining money stuff. I suspect she’ll have a show soon on Bravo. Meeting over. Let’s go watch Jill get a “liquid facelift” by getting needles stuck up to her brain by a name brand doctor. “Ok, let’s enjoy ourselves,” Sonja says, ironically. Sister still got her sense of humor. Ouchie! That looks like it fucking kills. The dermatologist loves loves loves loves doing it. It makes her so happy. Sorry, that is just a strange thing to say. Maybe she loves the way her patients look afterwards, but can she really like the process? Can you imagine a pediatrician saying, “I love giving these shots to kids!” Is it really worth getting this for free Jill? Gross.
LuAnn and Cindy are planning a surprise party at Chez Josephine, a restaurant run by Elton John. Bawby is here in one of his new suits Jill picked out for him last week. Bawby!!
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| Really couldn't be more pleased to have them. |
Everyone thinks its Jill coming through the door but false alarm, its only Howie’s girlfriend making a face like she swallowed something in the car on the way over. Oh hi Howie. But now here’s Jill and her hag friend from the Island and their liquid facelifts. She’s surprised! Thought she was going to see a show. “Look what Bawby bought me.” Giant freaking diamonds. She is totally dying right now.
And here is Ramona, undermining in the confessional. The party sucked. The room was narrow, uncomfortable, and she couldn’t talk to people.
Jacques tinkling the keys of the piano. Cindy is funny. Does a nice toast, she’s comfortable in that setting. This is the candle lighting at Bat Mitzvah party Avery did not want. Here’s weirdo Kelly apologizing about the surprise and being late. Look, there’s Michael Musto! Babwy’s toast: “You’re my wife, my lovah, and my best friend. Come mere baby! Kiss and a hug.”
Ramona is typing on her blackberry – “this party needs a jump start.” She puts on a red wig she pulled out of Kelly’s Dora the Explorer Backpack and does a vengeful imitation of Jill. “Bawby, my diamonds aren’t big enough.” While true, it’s not “classy” at all. Pretty mean. Everyone else is being nice. Jill does not like this imitation.
Here comes LuAnn down the stairs in a strapless dress with a giant peacock on her head. She is singing a song she wrote about Jill and channeling Josephine Baker. A huge “woman man” Ramona calls her. “What a bee-yoo-tiful voice” says Jill. Her voice is awful. As far as Housewife parties go, this one looks kind of fun. They seem to be having a good time for once.
LuAnn takes Victoria shopping for a dress, but can’t help picking up something for herself. She’s being ok tonight -- self-aware at least for once. Victoria tries on a lot of slutty dresses and settles on one.
Back in Brooklyn, an awesome schlumpy Brooklyn hypnotist with an unspecified accent comes to see Simon and Alex. Simon has tried a couple of times to quit smoking and this guy is here to help. Alex looks skeptical but is going along with it. Simon has to go have one more cigarette before getting hypnotized, which is strange, but addiction is like that I suppose. Simon is doing it for the boys. Alex knows nagging doesn’t work but that doesn’t mean it stops wives like me from trying.
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| Doing it for the Boys |
Next scene is Avery and her friends going to a new restaurant. They walk down the street arm in arm and sit at the table and eat pizza and talk about the party. They seem very glossy and mature and Gossip Girly. Avery basically says that anybody who is anybody from the city is coming to the party. Her BFF saw the guest list and seems to approve, especially since “David” is coming. Ramona tells us in a confessional that Avery has an elite group of friends. And get Justin Beiber to come, one of the Housewives in Training says. Or Katy Perry. Jesus. Elite group indeed.
Cindy and Alex are working out with Cindy’s adorable trainer, which is great, except that Cindy has a stinky hoody. She looks great for having such little kids. She must work out hard and expensively. Cindy doesn’t really seem to get bothered by much. I think I would like to be friends with her and meet her trainer.
Into Avery’s party which is being set up for the night. Avery squeals with her BFF about the furniture and the décor but everyone is afraid of lawsuits so they call off this really exciting fake snow that the party planners were so psyched about. Ramona – who is afraid of no one -- looks totally scared of Avery, and I would be too. She is so happy that Avery is happy, but almost as if she is the personal assistant to Mariah Carey or something, like she can never please her and she finally got her to get excited for five minutes.
Mario is very conservative and doesn’t want there to be beds at the party, which really is a natural fit for sixteen year olds. Ramona has convinced him that these are seating. I’m sure Mario knows his way around a cabana bed. He seems much more wary of the cameras than he used to a few seasons ago – I wonder what’s going on behind the scenes here. Ramona is worried about the wine. Hey, event planner lady who looks constantly exasperated, where is that goddamned wine? Seriously. This is going to cost as much as a wedding! How is Ramona this rich again???? She’s very nervous about the wine. She dials a random number on her blackberry and asks for the Ramona Singer Pinot Grigio and um, some vodka. Too bad its Jill’s dermatologist and not the liquor store on Park and 82nd.
Victoria’s party. I’m so excited that the music producer from LuAnn’s single is DJing! Sweet! I think I spotted him at Jill’s surprise party too. Victoria has no problem with performers – people are hanging from the ceiling and juggling. FYI Avery, it doesn’t feel at all like a Bat Mitzvah. Kelly gives her a box of something and has a great Kellyism in a confessional. “Victoria is a cool girl. If she’s not like a Marc Jacobs muse or working for French Vogue in five years, then I don’t know anything.” OMG.
Avery is on the way to her party in the pre-requisite limo with her friends. Their dresses are crazy short, their hair and make-up professional.
The two parties happen to be on the same night, so the Housewives must choose between them. So contrived. Jill and Kelly go first to Victoria’s and arrive next at Ramona’s. Jill makes a dig right away that she’s never seen an adult section at a party like this and its only for impressing Ramona’s fancy friends. I can see Jill doing the exact same thing. If there hadn’t been a separate section she would have been dissing on her for that. “Its just not done that the adults should mingle with the kids. They should have their own section.” She really is a hater.
Though Avery’s is rather opulent, fancier than most weddings. Lots of lighting design and white leather furniture. Sonja looks glamorous but a bit worn. Came to the party with the adult section. I don’t blame her. Its February in New York and bitch is broke. Jill to the catering guy “no napkins – how could you have no napkins?” Looking for a fight this one is.
Ramona is feeling competitive. Wants to know what the theme was at LuAnn’s from the ladies who went there first. She argues with Jill about whether Ramona created a club from this loft space and if it’s different than just booking the party in an actual club. The editors of this show are so naughty. They show Ramona saying, “Why would I have a party in a club when Avery can’t be in a club for another 5 years.” And right as she says in a voiceover, “it sends a mixed message,” they show her nervously at the party taking a gulp of her wine.
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| Meeting this week's Ramona Picture Quota |
Victoria seems to be having slightly more fun than Avery, but it could just be that she’s hammered. Her party looks more like an actual party than the stage-managed one Ramona Avery is hosting. Part of what’s weird about Avery’s is there’s no music, and there’s too much space. No one is yelling, or dancing. Just posing for professional photographers. Crazy how Avery knows exactly what to do in front of them. The right smile and hip pivot. Scary. She probably already has a line of party planning jewelry or something that she’s working on.
What’s this? Bawby has had a few drinks and is getting up in it with Simon! “Peace and love is my mantra,” he says to Simon. I’ve never heard Babwy talk so much. Look at his Jewish Mafia style, those glasses, that hair. “We had dinner, we love the kids. The girls had a rough patch.” God I love his intonation – it is so familiar. “An internet blog, a hate blog, hate mongers.” One of those Internet bloggity things. He is sort of telling Simon off and Simon is likely lying. Not sure what is going on but here comes Smoove Mario to smoove it over. I’m sure we’ll hear more about the hate mongers and Simon’s general grossness next week. “To peace, love and health,” says Bawby.
For the record, I would have preferred Victoria’s party with the ice luges and the Ecstasy brought in by Lu’s music producer with the mohawk. Having Jill complain about the steak tartar and how the lighting design was over the top/not sophisticated enough would have been a huge drag. Though I would have attended either affair if only to give Bawby a hug and smell his Drakkar Noir aftershave.
Peace, love, health.
xo
Bachelorette Episode 6 Recap: We Would All Prefer Our Fairy Tales to be Simple
By Finesse and Artistry
The Mother of All Bachelorettes, Ali Fedotowsky, tweeted on Monday that this episode is "VERY hard to watch and not because of Bentley." We agree. But it's possible we agree for the wrong reasons. Ali was probably not referring to the fact that watching this show makes you feel like a lonely dragon boat racer, recently concussed during a bout of Muay Thai boxing, trying to keep your eye on the patch of water in front of you, because if you allow yourself to look out at the horizon you'd realize, f---, I still have an hour and forty-two minutes to go. No, she was likely referring to the reaction of several of the Gentlemen to Ashley's revelation about her true feelings for Bentley. The palpable anger. The raging passive aggressiveness. The fiery indignation. It was all clearly justified. Because if there is one thing we've learned about relationships, it's that it is OK if a woman has feelings for six other Gentlemen. But seven? Have you no decency, Ashley? Look, this episode was excruciating for everyone. We're all emotional right now. Fortunately, we can offer the always cathartic experience of the GTOG recap.
- Ah, Hong Kong. Ashley loves "the buildings, the shapes, the hustle and bustle. The traffic." The only other person we know who would actually like traffic is Ryan. Unfortunately, it seems clear that, much like Rose carried a torch for Jack in the movie "Titanic," Ashley will still be pining for Bentley when she is 113 years old. When you go through something traumatic with another person - such as the sinking of the Titanic or three conversations on an episode of the Bachelorette - your bond is sealed. Forever. Or so we thought. When Chris Harrison shows up in her hotel room, Ashley's fight or flight instinct kicks in. "You're scaring me right now," she says.
Harrison knows just how to play this. "Don't be scared," he says. "Bentley is here, in Hong Kong..."
Ashley: "SHUT UP!"
Harrison is unfazed by the assault on all of our senses. He continues, "...in this hotel, right now." This sets up a scene with more punctuation metaphors than we've ever seen on the Bachelorette.
Read on for the FULL recap...
- Unlike the last time that Bentley broke up with show, Harrison is determined not to let Ashley walk away with the "dot dot dot." "Push him for details," he urges. Nodding, Ashley says, "I need more than vagueness." It turns out that Bentley did give her more than vagueness, using a tried and true method that men use all the time to avoid conversations they don't want to have: narrating the present. It's a tactic that, when executed properly, can turn the literal into the romantic. Consider Bentley saying, "I flew all the way around the world to see you." Ashley eats this up, not realizing that it is simply a literal description of the activities of the last 24 hours. Were Bentley physically capable of articulating his true thoughts, he could have continued, "...because I don't like you and you need to get over this." Bentley also seeks to infuse awkward silences with confusion, stammering something to the effect of "you know, who knows, you know, come to Salt Lake, you know, who knows." Ashley, of course, is getting choked up.
- But this is a new and more determined Ashley who is not willing to settle for vagueness. She finally coaxes the breakup line of all breakup lines out of him:
- In her post-period voicing-over, Ashley says, "He knows exactly how to talk to a girl to make them believe what he wants them to believe." Does he really? And here we've spent our lives trying to think of things to say, when in reality, all we have to do is state facts? "Honey, I need you to leave the room, I'm about to do a podcast." She breaks out the sexy lingerie. "I can't meet you for drinks this Saturday, I'm going to the Justin Bieber movie with a 39-year-old man." Should be a Valentine's day card. "I really can't stand Jaden Smith." Ticket to second base.
- Lucas gets the first 1-on-1, also known as the perfect time to get up and go to the bathroom. Because nothing is happening, and because even Ashley is bored, she is forced to reach deep into the Bachelorette bag of tricks to pull out.......wait for it........"What's the hardest thing you've ever been through?" BAM! We're sucked back in. It turns out that it was Lucas's divorce, and we actually felt bad for him until we realized later in the episode that he may have a psychotically violent temper (more on that later). Not to be outdone, Lucas initiates a game of Bachelorette Cliche Hold 'Em:
- If there's one thing every woman needs before going on a dinner date in Hong Kong, it's a thorough spray tan.
- During Lucas's date, the Gentlemen back at the hotel receive the next date card. Both Ryan and Blake desperately want the 1-on-1 date because you can only convince yourself that you're in love with someone you don't know for so long. At some point, you really need to introduce yourself. After the group date participants are announced, we learn that J.P. gets the following, which only a real Bachelorette fan can understand: "1st 2nd 1-1." Ames, still concussed, appeared to react to the bright lights and motion, but was otherwise unresponsive.
- Sometimes all you need to show someone's true colors is a good dragon boat race, and what an inspired choice for tonight's group date. Dragon boat winner: Ben. If you can't tell Ben and Constantine apart, you aren't paying close enough attention. Ben is best described as "better looking than Constantine but worse looking than Rafael Nadal." Also, Ben is the one with the sense of humor. Dragon boat loser even though he won: the guy that's screaming "PUSH!" at the poor native volunteers. You don't want to be an assistant in Chef Mickey's kitchen. More on him later. How did Ashley feel about the date? "Every time I spend time with them, I get to know them a little bit better."
- At the cocktail-party, Ames executes a flawless TriAmesFecta: two collars, two pockets, and two shoulder flaps. No one has ever gone from "irrelevant at best" to "absolutely our favorite" in a shorter span of time. Kudos to you, Ames.
- Ashley follows up her elevator make-out with Ames by immediately making out with Ben, before pulling back upon realizing that maybe she is making out with too many dudes in rapid succession. But Ben smartly holds the kiss, voicing over "The walls are down." We've said it before, and we'll say it again:
- Next up for some alone time on the couch? Ryan, whose light shines so bright that it's best not to look directly at him. All of the other gentlemen are harboring animosity-bordering-on-rage for Ryan, so please allow GTOG to explain why. The man has a Hero Complex. He's the guy your sister brings home for Thanksgiving, who immediately remembers everyone's name, calls your mom "Mrs. [first letter of last name]," cooks three desserts, takes out the trash, makes everyone's drink, plays video games with the kids, tells the origins of his solar energy company, can't stop smiling, tells a story about helping people, helps your cousin with his homework, asks to see your baby pictures, does the dishes, fixes the broken chair-leg, recommends a really great doctor for your grandmother to go see, and volunteers to take your aunt to the airport at midnight when her flight is delayed. We all know this person. He's probably been to your house before and if not, he's coming this year. None of these things, on its own, is bad. But when put all together, you're left with a a toxic blend of Goobery Do-Goodery.
- But even Apollo's light cannot illuminate the dim bulb that is Constantine. After Ryan gets the group date rose, Con is flummoxed. "Some people like cheesy," he says in disbelief. Yes, "some people" like cheesy. It must be especially mystifying for you, Constantine, because you have made the classy decision to find love on the Bachelorette. Blake is also indignant that Ashley finds Ryan's exuberance to be attractive, believing instead that Ashley should prefer Blake's passive aggressiveness and constant need for reaffirmation. To each their own.
- JP gets the coveted 1-on-1 and is probed by Ashley to find out if his feelings are real. One thing about JP that we know is real is that he looks like a guy who organizes a Run Club every Saturday morning at the local Starbucks. Beyond that, we think JP's feelings are sincere, but we can't know for sure. JP, however, earns Ashley's trust. "I want you to know about the whole journey," she coos, before revealing that she had a hard time with Bentley leaving not because Bentley left but because Bentley left. Likewise, we have been having a hard time not because Ashley is the Bachelorette but because Ashley is the Bachelorette. JP handles the Big Reveal with all the dignity you'd expect from a guy who brings extra odometers to the Run Club in case someone forgets. He gets the rose, makes out with a sizable portion of Ashley's right cheek, and earns coveted status as "The Favorite."
- At the cocktail party, Ashley reveals, again, that she was upset about Bentley leaving. To the "2019 Book of Baby Names" Gang (Constantine, Mickey, Blake, and Lucas), this is simply unacceptable. Constantine begins to sweat, if it's possible to "begin" something you've been doing non-stop for a month and a half. Lucas's eyes bulge from his head as he begins to shout indiscriminately, while somewhere in Texas, his ex-wife lets out a big "I TOLD YOU SO!" He wants to know why it's fair that all these gentlemen have been sitting here putting themselves on the line, while Bentley controls Ashley's heart from afar. (Ames chimes in, "and sitting in hospitals." It's unclear if that was in response to anything or just because.) Blake seeks reassurance, which is perplexing given that Blake never got assurance in the first place. Mickey pleads to be sent home before realizing that he can just leave. Ames, confused, wonders, "who is Bentley?"
- A situation like this calls for a Hero, and after the 2019BoBN Gang reveals their true colors, it's down to JP, Ryan, Ben, and Ames to step up. We forget if Ben said anything. JP seeks to defend Ashley in front of everyone, but in return receives only resentment over the fact that he knew the situation the previous night. Ryan, of course, is happy about all of this, if for no other reason than this is a "this," and, therefore, he is happy about it. But the true hero of the night is Ames. While staring 30-degrees to Ashley's right, he smiles and gets out the words, "I suppose ... that we would all prefer our fairy tales to be simple." Yes, Ames. We definitely would.
- With only one Gentleman to be sent home at the Rose Ceremony, and all signs pointing to Blake, it's up to Chris Harrison's pre-Rose-ceremony interview to build the tension. But Chris Harrison doesn't ask you questions in exchange for answers. No, he gives you answers, and damnit, you better agree. The transcript of Chris from the "interview:"
The Mother of All Bachelorettes, Ali Fedotowsky, tweeted on Monday that this episode is "VERY hard to watch and not because of Bentley." We agree. But it's possible we agree for the wrong reasons. Ali was probably not referring to the fact that watching this show makes you feel like a lonely dragon boat racer, recently concussed during a bout of Muay Thai boxing, trying to keep your eye on the patch of water in front of you, because if you allow yourself to look out at the horizon you'd realize, f---, I still have an hour and forty-two minutes to go. No, she was likely referring to the reaction of several of the Gentlemen to Ashley's revelation about her true feelings for Bentley. The palpable anger. The raging passive aggressiveness. The fiery indignation. It was all clearly justified. Because if there is one thing we've learned about relationships, it's that it is OK if a woman has feelings for six other Gentlemen. But seven? Have you no decency, Ashley? Look, this episode was excruciating for everyone. We're all emotional right now. Fortunately, we can offer the always cathartic experience of the GTOG recap.
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| Honestly, another guy would just be too much. |
Harrison knows just how to play this. "Don't be scared," he says. "Bentley is here, in Hong Kong..."
Ashley: "SHUT UP!"
Harrison is unfazed by the assault on all of our senses. He continues, "...in this hotel, right now." This sets up a scene with more punctuation metaphors than we've ever seen on the Bachelorette.
Read on for the FULL recap...
- Unlike the last time that Bentley broke up with show, Harrison is determined not to let Ashley walk away with the "dot dot dot." "Push him for details," he urges. Nodding, Ashley says, "I need more than vagueness." It turns out that Bentley did give her more than vagueness, using a tried and true method that men use all the time to avoid conversations they don't want to have: narrating the present. It's a tactic that, when executed properly, can turn the literal into the romantic. Consider Bentley saying, "I flew all the way around the world to see you." Ashley eats this up, not realizing that it is simply a literal description of the activities of the last 24 hours. Were Bentley physically capable of articulating his true thoughts, he could have continued, "...because I don't like you and you need to get over this." Bentley also seeks to infuse awkward silences with confusion, stammering something to the effect of "you know, who knows, you know, come to Salt Lake, you know, who knows." Ashley, of course, is getting choked up.
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| "You're crying right now. I'm looking down. Your shirt is pink." |
I think you know where I'm at. And I think you know where I'm coming from. A little bit. I think. You're here for a reason and I think you're here for a purpose and I think. Knowing that I'm home, it's it doesn't look good for me and you. And I would ... implore you to ... do all that you can to see what you have here, I guess.And then, to rip off the band-aid, he finishes, "I feel like where you're at with this whole journey and process, maybe we should call it a period." Does this mean that Ashley's turmoil the past few weeks was just PMS?
- In her post-period voicing-over, Ashley says, "He knows exactly how to talk to a girl to make them believe what he wants them to believe." Does he really? And here we've spent our lives trying to think of things to say, when in reality, all we have to do is state facts? "Honey, I need you to leave the room, I'm about to do a podcast." She breaks out the sexy lingerie. "I can't meet you for drinks this Saturday, I'm going to the Justin Bieber movie with a 39-year-old man." Should be a Valentine's day card. "I really can't stand Jaden Smith." Ticket to second base.
- Lucas gets the first 1-on-1, also known as the perfect time to get up and go to the bathroom. Because nothing is happening, and because even Ashley is bored, she is forced to reach deep into the Bachelorette bag of tricks to pull out.......wait for it........"What's the hardest thing you've ever been through?" BAM! We're sucked back in. It turns out that it was Lucas's divorce, and we actually felt bad for him until we realized later in the episode that he may have a psychotically violent temper (more on that later). Not to be outdone, Lucas initiates a game of Bachelorette Cliche Hold 'Em:
- Lucas: I see your 'what's the hardest thing you've ever been through?' and raise you a 'everything happens for a reason.'
- Ashley: I see your "everything happens for a reason" and raise you a voiceover "There's something about his manlihood that makes me feel protected."
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| Snake in the grass. Beware. |
- During Lucas's date, the Gentlemen back at the hotel receive the next date card. Both Ryan and Blake desperately want the 1-on-1 date because you can only convince yourself that you're in love with someone you don't know for so long. At some point, you really need to introduce yourself. After the group date participants are announced, we learn that J.P. gets the following, which only a real Bachelorette fan can understand: "1st 2nd 1-1." Ames, still concussed, appeared to react to the bright lights and motion, but was otherwise unresponsive.
- Sometimes all you need to show someone's true colors is a good dragon boat race, and what an inspired choice for tonight's group date. Dragon boat winner: Ben. If you can't tell Ben and Constantine apart, you aren't paying close enough attention. Ben is best described as "better looking than Constantine but worse looking than Rafael Nadal." Also, Ben is the one with the sense of humor. Dragon boat loser even though he won: the guy that's screaming "PUSH!" at the poor native volunteers. You don't want to be an assistant in Chef Mickey's kitchen. More on him later. How did Ashley feel about the date? "Every time I spend time with them, I get to know them a little bit better."
- At the cocktail-party, Ames executes a flawless TriAmesFecta: two collars, two pockets, and two shoulder flaps. No one has ever gone from "irrelevant at best" to "absolutely our favorite" in a shorter span of time. Kudos to you, Ames.
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| Sort of remembers some of his own name. |
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| Walls Down. Stock Up. |
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| "I believe deeply in harnessing the power of the sun to do good." |
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| "It's a privilege to meet your grandparents. Such a wealth of knowledge." |
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| "Sure, I'll take you! Delta or Continental?" |
- JP gets the coveted 1-on-1 and is probed by Ashley to find out if his feelings are real. One thing about JP that we know is real is that he looks like a guy who organizes a Run Club every Saturday morning at the local Starbucks. Beyond that, we think JP's feelings are sincere, but we can't know for sure. JP, however, earns Ashley's trust. "I want you to know about the whole journey," she coos, before revealing that she had a hard time with Bentley leaving not because Bentley left but because Bentley left. Likewise, we have been having a hard time not because Ashley is the Bachelorette but because Ashley is the Bachelorette. JP handles the Big Reveal with all the dignity you'd expect from a guy who brings extra odometers to the Run Club in case someone forgets. He gets the rose, makes out with a sizable portion of Ashley's right cheek, and earns coveted status as "The Favorite."
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| "6:30 at the Starbucks everyone! Forty percent chance of rain!" |
- A situation like this calls for a Hero, and after the 2019BoBN Gang reveals their true colors, it's down to JP, Ryan, Ben, and Ames to step up. We forget if Ben said anything. JP seeks to defend Ashley in front of everyone, but in return receives only resentment over the fact that he knew the situation the previous night. Ryan, of course, is happy about all of this, if for no other reason than this is a "this," and, therefore, he is happy about it. But the true hero of the night is Ames. While staring 30-degrees to Ashley's right, he smiles and gets out the words, "I suppose ... that we would all prefer our fairy tales to be simple." Yes, Ames. We definitely would.
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| One more time, just for kicks. |
- "It's rough out there tonight."
- "It's amazing how quickly things can change."
- [Nodding]
- "You know, it's different for every person. The path is diffrent for every person. For you, there's going to be parts of this that aren't easy."
- "Essentially, from their perspective was I fell in love with Bentley and ... I think they just felt second best tonight."
- "The good news is you've been on the other side. You do fully appreciate what they're going through."
- "You're in a tough spot tonight."
- "Just be Ashley."
Ben and Con get the first two roses, leaving all the drama for the final rose. It's between Ames and Blake. Hey Ames?! Buddy! Over here, look this direction. Ashley is over here! Ashley holds the tension as long as she can, but ultimately caves to the will of GTOG and gives the final rose to Ames. Maybe, hopefully, our fairy tales really can be that simple.
Senin, 27 Juni 2011
GTOG's Jaromir Jagr Anthem: Mullet Man (To the Tune of "Renegade")
By Artistry
With news breaking late Monday night that the Penguins hope to get at least verbal commitments from both Jaromir Jagr and Tyler Kennedy by week's end, we're taking #jagrwatch to another level. Because we know nothing inspires fans from our city quite like "Renegade" by Styx, we've asked the extraordinarily talented Daniel Marcus to create a Jagr anthem by borrowing liberally from that most Pittsburgh of tunes. From the man who brought you the timeless classic "Sushi with Hilary Duff," here is "Mullet Man."
"Mullet Man" Lyrics (to the tune of "Renegade)
Oh Jagr I'm in fear for the season if we don't sign you this week.
Time now to put an end to your running cause you're so far from your home.
Oh Jagr I can hear you crying, you're so scared and all alone.
Friday is coming quick like your backhand, and we don't have very long.
The jig is up the news is out we've finally found you,
The superstar who went astray, oh how we missed you, too.
Never more to go away,
This will be the signing day, of the mullet man. The muuuullet maaaaaan.
Skate down the ice with your sexy hair flowing,
waiting on the halfboards for a pass from Sidney Crosby.
Jaromir, improve our power play.
Use your mullet, use your mullet
to help you with hockey.
Your sexy mullet flowing behind you.
Skating down the ice with your mullet behind you.
With news breaking late Monday night that the Penguins hope to get at least verbal commitments from both Jaromir Jagr and Tyler Kennedy by week's end, we're taking #jagrwatch to another level. Because we know nothing inspires fans from our city quite like "Renegade" by Styx, we've asked the extraordinarily talented Daniel Marcus to create a Jagr anthem by borrowing liberally from that most Pittsburgh of tunes. From the man who brought you the timeless classic "Sushi with Hilary Duff," here is "Mullet Man."
"Mullet Man" Lyrics (to the tune of "Renegade)
Oh Jagr I'm in fear for the season if we don't sign you this week.
Time now to put an end to your running cause you're so far from your home.
Oh Jagr I can hear you crying, you're so scared and all alone.
Friday is coming quick like your backhand, and we don't have very long.
The jig is up the news is out we've finally found you,
The superstar who went astray, oh how we missed you, too.
Never more to go away,
This will be the signing day, of the mullet man. The muuuullet maaaaaan.
Skate down the ice with your sexy hair flowing,
waiting on the halfboards for a pass from Sidney Crosby.
Jaromir, improve our power play.
Use your mullet, use your mullet
to help you with hockey.
Your sexy mullet flowing behind you.
Skating down the ice with your mullet behind you.
When Skype Kills Your Podcast, You Regroup and Refocus
We've never been so emotional about The Bachelorette, but thanks to Skype flaking out, we have no outlet for our podcast. Instead, we huddle cold, alone, and scared, suffocating in our own raw, bottled up emotions. Rather than let the negativity get the best of us, however, we are determined to regroup and refocus on giving you, the fans, an epic recap on Tuesday of the rawest, most emotional Bachelorette episode yet. And yes, we will talk about this:
Best Week Ever: Pens Draft; #Crosbywatch; #Malkinwatch; #Jagrwatch
By Artistry
It's one of our favorite weeks of the year at GTOG. The NHL draft, paradigm-altering trades, the free agent frenzy. It's a hockey oasis in the summer desert. Let's take stock of where we are as we begin the countdown to July 1.
- Anyone who tells you he has a substantive reaction to the Penguins' draft is probably either paid to scout teenagers or Joe Morrow's coach. All we really know about these kids is what other people say about them, and we're not particularly interested in hearsay or speculation. What we do know today is there is more to Ray Shero's draft philosophy than taking the best player available. Some patterns have emerged. Here's the philosphy behind the philosophy:
1. Mobile Defensemen, Mobile Defensemen, Mobile Defensemen
Shero has made no secret of his view that guys who can retrieve the puck and quickly transition the other way are the most valuable commodities in today's NHL. Enter Brian Strait, Alex Grant, Simon Despres, and now Morrow and Scott Harrington. Stockpile as many of these players as you like; you will never have too much inventory. You will always find some team willing to give you their James Neal for your Alex Goligoski or their Nathan Horton for your Dennis Wideman. These players are so in demand, you'll even find some team willing to take Brian Campbell's $7.1 million salary cap hit off your hands. [Shaking head in disbelief.] There is something to be said for this approach particularly when drafting late in Round 1, when future success becomes so much harder to predict.
2. Gamble on Skill
Certain 18-year-olds are pegged as franchise forwards only because they have the body of a grown man to go with their fully formed offensive game and uncanny hockey sense. Needless to say, if you're regularly drafting outside the top 10, you're not getting those kids.* Instead, a team like the Penguins can wait to grab players who have the skill and the hockey sense, but don't necessarily have the build or the pedigree. This year's 6th round choice, Josh Archibald, along with recent draft choices like Tom Kuhnhackl and Ben Hanowski, may fade into obscurity.** Or they may end up regularly potting 40 goals on Sidney Crosby's wing. You don't know, and it won't hurt you to find out. Call it the Robbie Brown Axiom.
3. Steer Clear of Europe
I don't think Ray Shero has anything against Europeans, per se. I'm pretty sure if he were in Craig Patrick's shoes in 2004, he would have selected Evgeni Malkin. On the other hand, no one can argue that there's been a pretty pronounced shift in draft strategy since the days when Patrick took Milan Kraft and Konstantin Koltsov in the first round. It may just be a coincidence, but we now have a six year sample size to go on, and put it this way, the Penguins are not going out of there way to find Sweden's answer to Josh Archibald. There's much less certainty that a European player will ever make his way overseas, and that may be all there is to this. It's just a slightly riskier play.
- Positive news Monday on the Crosby and Malkin injury front. Although it's heartening to see Sid "progressing in his activity," asJack Adams Dan Bylsma puts it, talk to me after he's been through a week or two of full contact drills. Then you might see some smiling going on at GTOG headquarters. Until then, we're all business.
- Anticipation builds as #jagrwatch continues. Is Bro-tistry now in the studio recording an original Jaromir Jagr song? I'm not going to tell you he isn't. Stay tuned.
- Is there any such thing as a terrible contract in the NHL these day? I wonder. I thought for sure Glen Sather had dirt on Bob Gainey two years ago when he somehow managed to get Montreal to take on Scott Gomez's $7.4 million contract. But then last week Chicago dumped Campbell on Florida. Hey, enjoy that $7 million cap hit through 2016. Sure, the Panthers needed to make a dramatic play to hit the salary cap floor, but Brian Campbell wasn't even a top tandem defenseman for the Blackhawks. The lesson: never underestimate the ability of an NHL GM to shock your sensibilities.
- If by the end of this week the Penguins have both Tyler Kennedy and Jagr on the roster, Ray Shero gets a statue downtown.
LGP.
* Unless one of them falls, precipitously, as in the case of Angelo Esposito. If an Esposito falls, there is probably a reason for it, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't take him and flip him in a package with two other overrated players in exchange for Marian Hossa and Pascal Dupuis. We always support this kind of move.
** Let's face it, they are already pretty obscure.
It's one of our favorite weeks of the year at GTOG. The NHL draft, paradigm-altering trades, the free agent frenzy. It's a hockey oasis in the summer desert. Let's take stock of where we are as we begin the countdown to July 1.
- Anyone who tells you he has a substantive reaction to the Penguins' draft is probably either paid to scout teenagers or Joe Morrow's coach. All we really know about these kids is what other people say about them, and we're not particularly interested in hearsay or speculation. What we do know today is there is more to Ray Shero's draft philosophy than taking the best player available. Some patterns have emerged. Here's the philosphy behind the philosophy:
1. Mobile Defensemen, Mobile Defensemen, Mobile Defensemen
Shero has made no secret of his view that guys who can retrieve the puck and quickly transition the other way are the most valuable commodities in today's NHL. Enter Brian Strait, Alex Grant, Simon Despres, and now Morrow and Scott Harrington. Stockpile as many of these players as you like; you will never have too much inventory. You will always find some team willing to give you their James Neal for your Alex Goligoski or their Nathan Horton for your Dennis Wideman. These players are so in demand, you'll even find some team willing to take Brian Campbell's $7.1 million salary cap hit off your hands. [Shaking head in disbelief.] There is something to be said for this approach particularly when drafting late in Round 1, when future success becomes so much harder to predict.
 |
| Already Coveted by Florida GM Dale Tallon |
Certain 18-year-olds are pegged as franchise forwards only because they have the body of a grown man to go with their fully formed offensive game and uncanny hockey sense. Needless to say, if you're regularly drafting outside the top 10, you're not getting those kids.* Instead, a team like the Penguins can wait to grab players who have the skill and the hockey sense, but don't necessarily have the build or the pedigree. This year's 6th round choice, Josh Archibald, along with recent draft choices like Tom Kuhnhackl and Ben Hanowski, may fade into obscurity.** Or they may end up regularly potting 40 goals on Sidney Crosby's wing. You don't know, and it won't hurt you to find out. Call it the Robbie Brown Axiom.
3. Steer Clear of Europe
I don't think Ray Shero has anything against Europeans, per se. I'm pretty sure if he were in Craig Patrick's shoes in 2004, he would have selected Evgeni Malkin. On the other hand, no one can argue that there's been a pretty pronounced shift in draft strategy since the days when Patrick took Milan Kraft and Konstantin Koltsov in the first round. It may just be a coincidence, but we now have a six year sample size to go on, and put it this way, the Penguins are not going out of there way to find Sweden's answer to Josh Archibald. There's much less certainty that a European player will ever make his way overseas, and that may be all there is to this. It's just a slightly riskier play.
- Positive news Monday on the Crosby and Malkin injury front. Although it's heartening to see Sid "progressing in his activity," as
- Anticipation builds as #jagrwatch continues. Is Bro-tistry now in the studio recording an original Jaromir Jagr song? I'm not going to tell you he isn't. Stay tuned.
 |
| "See you on the power play. I'll be open on the half boards." |
- If by the end of this week the Penguins have both Tyler Kennedy and Jagr on the roster, Ray Shero gets a statue downtown.
LGP.
* Unless one of them falls, precipitously, as in the case of Angelo Esposito. If an Esposito falls, there is probably a reason for it, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't take him and flip him in a package with two other overrated players in exchange for Marian Hossa and Pascal Dupuis. We always support this kind of move.
** Let's face it, they are already pretty obscure.
Sabtu, 25 Juni 2011
Wake Up With GTOG: The Good News About Big Ben's Foot
By Finesse
Sometimes when you know something is going to be painful, when you know it's going to hurt, when you know it is inevitable, it's best to just rip off the band-aid and let it burn. It's based on that principle that news of Big Ben maybe/possibly/we'll-see needing foot surgery is good news.
If Ben Roethlisberger has proven one thing during his tenure in the NFL, it's that you hope he's never your son or brother-in-law. If he's proven a second thing, it's that every off season, without fail, he will be a source of a Shakespearean drama that will last the entire season. So the news that his foot hurts and may or may not need surgery is fantastic because rather than wait throughout the summer for the inevitable Ben Drama Shoe to drop, we know what the story is going to be. It's painful for us, and it hurts, but ripping the band-aid off and exposing it early in the summer is doing us all a favor.
How will this all play out? Let's ask fake Ben:
[We will have some NHL Draft reaction at some point].
Sometimes when you know something is going to be painful, when you know it's going to hurt, when you know it is inevitable, it's best to just rip off the band-aid and let it burn. It's based on that principle that news of Big Ben maybe/possibly/we'll-see needing foot surgery is good news.
If Ben Roethlisberger has proven one thing during his tenure in the NFL, it's that you hope he's never your son or brother-in-law. If he's proven a second thing, it's that every off season, without fail, he will be a source of a Shakespearean drama that will last the entire season. So the news that his foot hurts and may or may not need surgery is fantastic because rather than wait throughout the summer for the inevitable Ben Drama Shoe to drop, we know what the story is going to be. It's painful for us, and it hurts, but ripping the band-aid off and exposing it early in the summer is doing us all a favor.
How will this all play out? Let's ask fake Ben:
Yeah, well, I mean it really hurts. It hurt pretty much all season last year, you know, that season that I escaped all those sacks and led the team to the Super Bowl. I remember one time Terrel Suggs was pulling on me and my foot hurt so so bad, so bad that I thought it could end my career if I kept playing, but somehow I reached inside and found something in my heart to shake him off and complete a TD pass. I've never felt pain like that and I don't think any human should ever feel that kind of pain. I don't know how I did it. Heart of a champion. Offensive line. Band of Brothers.
As for the surgery question, we'll see. I think I'm going to have to make a lot of wincing facial expressions during our first national TV game so that the fans, I mean, so that I can see how much it will affect me. I'll probably explain it to Suzy Kolber during an interview. We'll see what she thinks. Band of brothers.
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| "Hang on, wait til they're back from commercial." |
Jumat, 24 Juni 2011
Wake Up With GTOG: Explaining the Jagr Situation; Unable to Explain the Flyers Situation
By Finesse
It's been a long week at GTOG, but it's a beautiful Friday morning and it's time to take care of some NHL business.
- The Pens' pursuit of Jaromir Jagr continues, but the seriousness of both sides' interest in still a relative unknown. Contrary to initial reports, Jagr will have to wait until July 1st to sign with anyone, meaning the NHL Draft this weekend just got a whole lot less interesting. The whispers that we are hearing (from other people who hear whispers and then report them), is that JJ would prefer to come to Pittsburgh so long as the money is acceptable (even if it is less than he could get elsewhere). We're as excited as anyone about the possibility of Jagr coming back, but the cynical side of us thinks that there is a chance that all of this is just Jagr taking an emotional victory lap around the NHL, all the while driving up his price for the KHL.
- The degree of the Pens' interest in Jagr is less clear. Dan Bylsma is "intrigued" by the possibility of bringing back Jagr, and "sources" are telling Josh Yohe of the Trib that Mario is "encouraged" by the conversation he had with Jagr yesterday, whatever that means. Ray Shero, however, does not appear to be as enthusiastic: He tells Molinari that Jagr is just one of the many "moving parts" for the Pens right now and, according to Yohe and Rossi, Shero isn't interested in going much over the $1 million mark for JJ's services.
- Here's my unofficial speculation on what's going on. Ever since Ray Shero became the GM, he has done an incredible job of sticking to the plan -- a solid long-term approach that is flexible enough to allow for short term risk taking when the time is right (See Hossa, Marian). Along the way, he has also been very careful to manage fans' expectations of the team and of the people he has brought in. But Shero was burned last year by the acquisition of Kovalev, not in terms of what he gave up (nothing), but in terms of what Kovalev brought to the Pens (less than nothing). While Kovalev is 1/10th the player Jagr is, some of the same concerns are there: a big name player arriving with lofty expectations, but who just doesn't have it any more. Just as it was with Kovalev, that problem could be compounded by Jagr's enormous personality. That's not to say that Jagr would be a bad "locker room guy" or would step on Sid's toes; instead, it means that because he is Jaromir Jagr, the team and coaching staff starts relying on him to do more than he actually can do -- think Kovalev getting unlimited ice time on the worst power play in the history of the NHL (unofficially) because he's Kovalev and is supposed to be good on the PP. Essentially, Shero's lukewarm (at best) interest in Jagr is understandable based on Shero's track-record, the Pens' needs, and the team's cap situation.
- Having said all that, we still want Jagr back. First, as we just said, he's not Alex Kovalev. He's a top 10-15 player of all-time and a first-ballot HOF'er. Second, and unlike Kovalev, Jagr has shown very recently that he still has game - witness the hat trick against the USA at the World Championships. Third, Jagr's strength is on the PP and the Pens' power play is a joke, even when Sid and Geno are healthy (that the PP isn't at 20% every year is a legitimate indictment of the coaching staff and, yes, of Sid and Geno's greatness). Fourth, Jagr seems to have an affinity for Pittsburgh and Mario, and a happy #68 is a productive #68. Fifth, who else are you going to get? We have no right wingers other than Kennedy, and if TK is re-signed, he is likely going to be more expensive and for a longer term than Jagr. And it's Tyler Kennedy, for God's sake. Finally, we're talking about Jaromir Jagr. Bring his ass back. #jagrwatch
- The risks of bringing him back are real: Shero may have to let TK walk, Jagr may suck, he may be too big of a presence for Sid and Geno, he will intimidate Bylsma into giving him more ice-time than he deserves, he will miss at least 25 games (that's a fact, not a risk), he will be a sideshow for already the most talked-about team in the league, and he will cost more than he is worth. Legitimate concerns, yes, but let's remember. This is Jaromir Jagr. Bring his ass back. #jagrwatch
- In other free agent news, the Pens offered Talbot a three-year deal but he rejected it and will likely test the free agent market. With the higher salary cap floor, there is no doubt that he will get more money elsewhere. We won't blame him if he takes it. Mike Rupp and the Pens are apparently getting close to a deal. Let's hope the price is modest because as much as we and the rest of the fan base like Rupp, he is a replaceable part and Shero has been able to find guys like him almost at will. Pascal Dupuis and the Pens are still talking, but don't have anything signed. Out of these three guys, I think Dupuis should be the priority. Yes, he costs more than Talbot or Rupp, but that's because he is better. He scores goals (18 and 17 the last two years), kills penalties, and is versatile enough to play on every line (though obviously he is better suited for 3rd/4th line duty).
- Early Thursday afternoon, the Flyers dismantled their team by trading away Jeff Carter and Mike Richards for some decent players and prospects, though not anyone who has actually done much in the NHL (yet). Immediately after the dismantling, the Flyers re-mantled their team by signing a 31-year old goalie to a 9-year/$51 million contract. Yes, Ilya Bryzgalov will count $5.6 million against the Flyers' cap when he is 40.
- Trading Carter is understandable - his performance declined markedly last year, he has a gazillion year-contract, and he's a one-trick pony (great shot). But the Richards trade is much more surprising. We don't like the guy for obvious reasons, but he's a really good player. Not captain material, but an 80-point guy and the maybe the most dangerous penalty killer in the league. And then a nine-year contract to a 31 year-old goalie? What, was Garth Snow only offering eight? The only explanation for any of this is that they are the Flyers, and they were due.
It's been a long week at GTOG, but it's a beautiful Friday morning and it's time to take care of some NHL business.
- The Pens' pursuit of Jaromir Jagr continues, but the seriousness of both sides' interest in still a relative unknown. Contrary to initial reports, Jagr will have to wait until July 1st to sign with anyone, meaning the NHL Draft this weekend just got a whole lot less interesting. The whispers that we are hearing (from other people who hear whispers and then report them), is that JJ would prefer to come to Pittsburgh so long as the money is acceptable (even if it is less than he could get elsewhere). We're as excited as anyone about the possibility of Jagr coming back, but the cynical side of us thinks that there is a chance that all of this is just Jagr taking an emotional victory lap around the NHL, all the while driving up his price for the KHL.
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| If you don't still have the t-shirt Jagr is wearing, you're lying. |
- Here's my unofficial speculation on what's going on. Ever since Ray Shero became the GM, he has done an incredible job of sticking to the plan -- a solid long-term approach that is flexible enough to allow for short term risk taking when the time is right (See Hossa, Marian). Along the way, he has also been very careful to manage fans' expectations of the team and of the people he has brought in. But Shero was burned last year by the acquisition of Kovalev, not in terms of what he gave up (nothing), but in terms of what Kovalev brought to the Pens (less than nothing). While Kovalev is 1/10th the player Jagr is, some of the same concerns are there: a big name player arriving with lofty expectations, but who just doesn't have it any more. Just as it was with Kovalev, that problem could be compounded by Jagr's enormous personality. That's not to say that Jagr would be a bad "locker room guy" or would step on Sid's toes; instead, it means that because he is Jaromir Jagr, the team and coaching staff starts relying on him to do more than he actually can do -- think Kovalev getting unlimited ice time on the worst power play in the history of the NHL (unofficially) because he's Kovalev and is supposed to be good on the PP. Essentially, Shero's lukewarm (at best) interest in Jagr is understandable based on Shero's track-record, the Pens' needs, and the team's cap situation.
 |
| This picture is moving at real speed. |
- The risks of bringing him back are real: Shero may have to let TK walk, Jagr may suck, he may be too big of a presence for Sid and Geno, he will intimidate Bylsma into giving him more ice-time than he deserves, he will miss at least 25 games (that's a fact, not a risk), he will be a sideshow for already the most talked-about team in the league, and he will cost more than he is worth. Legitimate concerns, yes, but let's remember. This is Jaromir Jagr. Bring his ass back. #jagrwatch
- In other free agent news, the Pens offered Talbot a three-year deal but he rejected it and will likely test the free agent market. With the higher salary cap floor, there is no doubt that he will get more money elsewhere. We won't blame him if he takes it. Mike Rupp and the Pens are apparently getting close to a deal. Let's hope the price is modest because as much as we and the rest of the fan base like Rupp, he is a replaceable part and Shero has been able to find guys like him almost at will. Pascal Dupuis and the Pens are still talking, but don't have anything signed. Out of these three guys, I think Dupuis should be the priority. Yes, he costs more than Talbot or Rupp, but that's because he is better. He scores goals (18 and 17 the last two years), kills penalties, and is versatile enough to play on every line (though obviously he is better suited for 3rd/4th line duty).
- Early Thursday afternoon, the Flyers dismantled their team by trading away Jeff Carter and Mike Richards for some decent players and prospects, though not anyone who has actually done much in the NHL (yet). Immediately after the dismantling, the Flyers re-mantled their team by signing a 31-year old goalie to a 9-year/$51 million contract. Yes, Ilya Bryzgalov will count $5.6 million against the Flyers' cap when he is 40.
- Trading Carter is understandable - his performance declined markedly last year, he has a gazillion year-contract, and he's a one-trick pony (great shot). But the Richards trade is much more surprising. We don't like the guy for obvious reasons, but he's a really good player. Not captain material, but an 80-point guy and the maybe the most dangerous penalty killer in the league. And then a nine-year contract to a 31 year-old goalie? What, was Garth Snow only offering eight? The only explanation for any of this is that they are the Flyers, and they were due.
 |
| Leadership...in sunglasses at a bar. |
Kamis, 23 Juni 2011
RHONY Episode 11 Recap: Debt, Judgments, and a Little Lovemaking
By Sheer Elegance, GTOG Special Guest Blogger
Back in New York, and the women have missed their mens! Ramona is at a fancy hotel, pouring a hearty glass of Peens Greegs and getting in the mood. You might remember that she’s a businesswoman, so she has to find time for intimacy with Mario. Brightly lit, rose petal strewn, lingerie wearing intimate sexy time. Her lips are so plumped by some kind of filler she can barely speak. So she waits, lips permanently pursed.
And we go to Brooklyn where Simon and Alex are smacking each other with dishtowels in the kitchen. Out come the oysters. Of course. “No other husbands met their wives at the airport with flowers,” Alex points out. “Not that many girls still have husbands,” Simon answers bitchily but truthfully. I usually defend Silex because I think they are harmless nerds but last week with the sexy skyping and now with this cheesy lead up to nookie scene they are totally grossing me out.
For more on what grosses out Sheer Elegance, read on after the jump...
Ramona and her lips are still waiting. Here comes Mario, looking awkward, like he didn’t realize he was still on a reality show. “Wait, you guys are still here?” He’s kind of hawtt. Ramona brings up the fortune teller. Mario seems to stutter for a second but I have to think its because he’s on the spot, right? The other woman is Avery. Yes, of course. I’m sure that’s what the fortune teller meant. I hope he and Ramona are ok, especially after all that money they spent last season renewing their vows, but I’m sure a guy that good looking who is willing to be married to Ramona and live this weird life is not averse to cheating. Ugh.
Back to Simon and Alex’s bordello and out comes a basket full of panties. I simply love it when my husband buys me a basket full of panties! What a perfect gift. How can Alex say “basket of panties” with a straight face? Here comes the fashion show. Gross. Give me a spin he says. Creeptastic! As Cindy said in her Bravo blog, someone get this woman a spray tan. She looks nice in the red – “teddy?” Is that what they call that? Now they are going to have sex.
Back to Mario – he really does look uncomfortable – could that be because he actually does have a modicum of shame? “I’m having a great time!” he says, while Ramona gets out the oil for a mini massage. Love how he put on his sports pants for this. Ramona talks about they how have a spark. Her lips keep getting caught on her teeth. They are both drinking and smiling and steeling themselves for something. Now they are going to have sex.
Finally, that’s over. Cindy and her brother are in the office, talking dirty about attorneys, legal fees, contracts. Cindy shows the pictures from the trip to Howie and her assistant, and they are appropriately bored in the way people always are when you show your vacation pictures to them. Turns out Sonja edited Cindy out of all the pictures, which she then admits to in a confessional. That’s really mean and weird. Howie stayed with her kids while she was in Morocco, but with the two nannies. He makes fun of her glasses. They are totally flirting.
Sonja and her niece are going to the dermatologist she met in trampoline class. Naturally. Sonja hasn’t seen him for a while because he was running a marathon in Bucharest and Barcelona between trampoline classes and Dior appointments. WTF moment. Sonja decides to go for the most expensive facial on the menu and during the treatment the aesthetician tells her she read about Sonja’s bankruptcy in the paper. Buzz kill. Sonja keeps her tags her expensive clothes to remind herself of the prices. I’m sure it's so she doesn’t take everything back to the store eventually.
Speaking of shopping, Jill comes back from Morocco haggier than ever, and takes Bawby to the tailor so she can talk over him and assert said hagginess. Her teeth look new and areas of her skin too. I love Bawby so hard. He likes a sheen in his suit fabric. She won’t let him even have a pocket. And makes him put her initials on it! What a mensch is Bawby.
LuAnn and the French Balkie only go to French bistros. How trite, but is aiight and makes LuAnn look good. I wish I could say I’m happy for her, but I intensely dislike her. She talks of having a sense of humor with Jacques and how important it is in life, but hers is only intermittent.
Jill’s Skweez™ shape wear meeting! Sonja’s broke so she’s here for the free cheese. Alex and Cindy bring up the bankruptcy. Business disputes – who doesn’t have ‘em? Sonja’s only 19 million in debt because of judgments. Speaking of judgments, here comes Jill. Who’s basically a lawyer because she’s related to a lot of lawyers. Alex, as usual, is practical. Sonja needs a friend, not a Jill dog jumping all over her. Great, LuAnn is here. UCH. Its tense with Alex since the showdown at the riad. She wants to meet with LuAnn one on one, Luann agrees in a bitchy way.
Jill is a real woman and wants opinions from real women, except Ramona, who is not invited to the Skweez™ shape wear opinion meeting. Jill can’t trust her -- this (“skweezing?”) is how she makes a living. She lost her Kodak deal because of Ramona. Alex doesn’t like this, not one bit. Alex is the conscience of the show now. She is in everyone’s business, but she is usually right. Ramona is a professional fashion industry person. She knows things about how big to make your logo and where to put lace.
Ramona and Alex are at a restaurant and the lighting is just lovely. Alex spills that Jill had the Skweez™ shape wear meeting earlier in the day and didn’t invite Ramona, who looks genuinely hurt. It’s not nice. Ramona is so into business. Jill has fucked with Ramona’s stuff too, Ramona is right. She came to her TruRenewal™ party ands started her mouth right up. Just explain – I’m doing an event and I’m not inviting you, but I’m inviting the others, Ramona says reasonably. Jill is not communicating again. Ramona says she’s sad that Jill is not going to change. She says she knows what Jill is and that Jill knows that she knows that she knows. You know? Also, Jill is a woman who only likes you when you’re down – when you’re happy she’s jealous. Good call Ramona. If she were Sonja with Jill asking her a million questions about her bankruptcy, “I’d smack the shit out of her.” Alex discloses a certain flask she keeps in her purse!? Whoa. OK. Awesome.
Kelly only appears once in this episode with her kids and her friend the photographer. They are doing a family portrait with their dogs. Sorry, I really don’t understand people who stage their dogs. Just not at all into that. I hope Kelly, fer friend, and the kids don’t all shower in a row at the beach house because that’s a lot long layered hair in the drain.
Ramona and Sonja have a sit down. The blondes are getting really good lighting today. Sonja is being cool. She seems truly sad. Her home is at risk, which sucks. Ramona is trying to be a good friend. She is there for her and knows Sonja will be ok. Liking Ramona. Go blondes!
LuAnn and Alex also sit down. They are here to discuss what happened between them in Morocco. This is gonna be tense. Hate. That. Beyotch. LuAnn. LuAnn immediately starts to interrupt and be defensive. “I can’t possibly guess what you have to discuss with me that makes you unhappy.” With that look on her face! Alex – “we have always had a smile and nod relationship. If people are friends or happy acquaintances they have to be able to come to each other with a legitimate gripe.” Alex is a very articulate person. Luann keeps darlinging and interrupting her.
Maybe LuAnn has a point that Alex puts herself in the middle too often, but that’s no reason for LuAnn to be “condescending, haughty, dismissive and frankly, vile.” YESSSS! “I’ve been nothing but friendly, gracious and kind to you,” Luann says like she’s the fucking Queen Mother.
“I didn’t know this was Alex class,” LuAnn says after Alex tells her she’s listening better than she did during the henna tattoo confrontation. She has no self-awareness – she actually thinks she’s better than Alex. “You’re the one who came to me and tried to bully me in my own SALON where I was having a henna tattoo!” OMG. Who says that??? It wasn’t your salon says Alex and you’re the one who forced me to talk in front of the cameras and other peoples. LuAnn is losing – she doesn’t want to argue. She thought “this was going to be a nice meeting where they would have a cappuccino.” Shows your delusion says Alex. Yes! Here comes the Herman Munster shoes line, you Klassy Kountess you. Alex is doing great. Not going to prostrate herself and kiss LuAnn’s ring.
“Get a life” is LuAnn’s parting line. And she storms out. She suxxxx.
Alex totally won. Yay Alex.
xo
Back in New York, and the women have missed their mens! Ramona is at a fancy hotel, pouring a hearty glass of Peens Greegs and getting in the mood. You might remember that she’s a businesswoman, so she has to find time for intimacy with Mario. Brightly lit, rose petal strewn, lingerie wearing intimate sexy time. Her lips are so plumped by some kind of filler she can barely speak. So she waits, lips permanently pursed.
 |
| Ed. Note: We Will Never Tire of Posting Ramona Pics |
For more on what grosses out Sheer Elegance, read on after the jump...
Ramona and her lips are still waiting. Here comes Mario, looking awkward, like he didn’t realize he was still on a reality show. “Wait, you guys are still here?” He’s kind of hawtt. Ramona brings up the fortune teller. Mario seems to stutter for a second but I have to think its because he’s on the spot, right? The other woman is Avery. Yes, of course. I’m sure that’s what the fortune teller meant. I hope he and Ramona are ok, especially after all that money they spent last season renewing their vows, but I’m sure a guy that good looking who is willing to be married to Ramona and live this weird life is not averse to cheating. Ugh.
Back to Simon and Alex’s bordello and out comes a basket full of panties. I simply love it when my husband buys me a basket full of panties! What a perfect gift. How can Alex say “basket of panties” with a straight face? Here comes the fashion show. Gross. Give me a spin he says. Creeptastic! As Cindy said in her Bravo blog, someone get this woman a spray tan. She looks nice in the red – “teddy?” Is that what they call that? Now they are going to have sex.
 |
| Panties That Didn't Make the Cut |
Finally, that’s over. Cindy and her brother are in the office, talking dirty about attorneys, legal fees, contracts. Cindy shows the pictures from the trip to Howie and her assistant, and they are appropriately bored in the way people always are when you show your vacation pictures to them. Turns out Sonja edited Cindy out of all the pictures, which she then admits to in a confessional. That’s really mean and weird. Howie stayed with her kids while she was in Morocco, but with the two nannies. He makes fun of her glasses. They are totally flirting.
Sonja and her niece are going to the dermatologist she met in trampoline class. Naturally. Sonja hasn’t seen him for a while because he was running a marathon in Bucharest and Barcelona between trampoline classes and Dior appointments. WTF moment. Sonja decides to go for the most expensive facial on the menu and during the treatment the aesthetician tells her she read about Sonja’s bankruptcy in the paper. Buzz kill. Sonja keeps her tags her expensive clothes to remind herself of the prices. I’m sure it's so she doesn’t take everything back to the store eventually.
Speaking of shopping, Jill comes back from Morocco haggier than ever, and takes Bawby to the tailor so she can talk over him and assert said hagginess. Her teeth look new and areas of her skin too. I love Bawby so hard. He likes a sheen in his suit fabric. She won’t let him even have a pocket. And makes him put her initials on it! What a mensch is Bawby.
LuAnn and the French Balkie only go to French bistros. How trite, but is aiight and makes LuAnn look good. I wish I could say I’m happy for her, but I intensely dislike her. She talks of having a sense of humor with Jacques and how important it is in life, but hers is only intermittent.
 |
| Loves to Laugh |
Jill is a real woman and wants opinions from real women, except Ramona, who is not invited to the Skweez™ shape wear opinion meeting. Jill can’t trust her -- this (“skweezing?”) is how she makes a living. She lost her Kodak deal because of Ramona. Alex doesn’t like this, not one bit. Alex is the conscience of the show now. She is in everyone’s business, but she is usually right. Ramona is a professional fashion industry person. She knows things about how big to make your logo and where to put lace.
Ramona and Alex are at a restaurant and the lighting is just lovely. Alex spills that Jill had the Skweez™ shape wear meeting earlier in the day and didn’t invite Ramona, who looks genuinely hurt. It’s not nice. Ramona is so into business. Jill has fucked with Ramona’s stuff too, Ramona is right. She came to her TruRenewal™ party ands started her mouth right up. Just explain – I’m doing an event and I’m not inviting you, but I’m inviting the others, Ramona says reasonably. Jill is not communicating again. Ramona says she’s sad that Jill is not going to change. She says she knows what Jill is and that Jill knows that she knows that she knows. You know? Also, Jill is a woman who only likes you when you’re down – when you’re happy she’s jealous. Good call Ramona. If she were Sonja with Jill asking her a million questions about her bankruptcy, “I’d smack the shit out of her.” Alex discloses a certain flask she keeps in her purse!? Whoa. OK. Awesome.
Kelly only appears once in this episode with her kids and her friend the photographer. They are doing a family portrait with their dogs. Sorry, I really don’t understand people who stage their dogs. Just not at all into that. I hope Kelly, fer friend, and the kids don’t all shower in a row at the beach house because that’s a lot long layered hair in the drain.
Ramona and Sonja have a sit down. The blondes are getting really good lighting today. Sonja is being cool. She seems truly sad. Her home is at risk, which sucks. Ramona is trying to be a good friend. She is there for her and knows Sonja will be ok. Liking Ramona. Go blondes!
LuAnn and Alex also sit down. They are here to discuss what happened between them in Morocco. This is gonna be tense. Hate. That. Beyotch. LuAnn. LuAnn immediately starts to interrupt and be defensive. “I can’t possibly guess what you have to discuss with me that makes you unhappy.” With that look on her face! Alex – “we have always had a smile and nod relationship. If people are friends or happy acquaintances they have to be able to come to each other with a legitimate gripe.” Alex is a very articulate person. Luann keeps darlinging and interrupting her.
Maybe LuAnn has a point that Alex puts herself in the middle too often, but that’s no reason for LuAnn to be “condescending, haughty, dismissive and frankly, vile.” YESSSS! “I’ve been nothing but friendly, gracious and kind to you,” Luann says like she’s the fucking Queen Mother.
“I didn’t know this was Alex class,” LuAnn says after Alex tells her she’s listening better than she did during the henna tattoo confrontation. She has no self-awareness – she actually thinks she’s better than Alex. “You’re the one who came to me and tried to bully me in my own SALON where I was having a henna tattoo!” OMG. Who says that??? It wasn’t your salon says Alex and you’re the one who forced me to talk in front of the cameras and other peoples. LuAnn is losing – she doesn’t want to argue. She thought “this was going to be a nice meeting where they would have a cappuccino.” Shows your delusion says Alex. Yes! Here comes the Herman Munster shoes line, you Klassy Kountess you. Alex is doing great. Not going to prostrate herself and kiss LuAnn’s ring.
“Get a life” is LuAnn’s parting line. And she storms out. She suxxxx.
Alex totally won. Yay Alex.
xo
Selasa, 21 Juni 2011
GTOG Podcast: Emptying the Inbox
We answer some reader questions, including our take on the possibility of the Pens bringing back Jaromir Jagr. SPOILER ALERT! We're for it.
For Flash...
For iPhones/iPads...
For Flash...
For iPhones/iPads...
Senin, 20 Juni 2011
GTOG Raw Emotion Podcast: The Bachelorette Episode 5
After another shocking episode, we try to pick up the pieces and figure out what the hell just happened. What changed that made Ashley seem so determined early on? Are Ben F. and Constantine the same person? Who is Ben C. dating online? Does Ashley actually like any of the guys? Will Chris Harrison win 4 or 5 Emmy's this year? We answer those questions, and more, on this week's Raw Emotion Podcast.
Click here to subscribe on iTunes.
For devices with Flash...
For iPhones/iPads...
Click here to subscribe on iTunes.
For devices with Flash...
For iPhones/iPads...
This Week in GTOG: Raw Emotion, Reader Questions, and Shameless Self-Promotion
By Finesse
We're not even going to call this upcoming week arguably huge. We'll just call it huge. With an inconvenience we'll call "work" occupying us most of the week, we're going to channel all of our emotions into something we can do at night from the comforts of our own houses - Podcasts.
Tonight we'll be recording another Raw Emotion Podcast with instant reaction, analysis, and soul-searching after tonight's episode of The Bachelorette, one which carries the prospect of Bentley returning to continue his sabotage of Ashley's Journey in order to entice parents and children to sign up for his Family Fun Center in Salt Lake City. There will be no written recap this week so make sure to listen to the podcast, especially if you haven't given it a try already.
Some believe that listening to a podcast requires carving out time in front of the radio like when FDR gave updates on WW2. It's not like that. You can listen from our site or you can make the podcast portable: Click here to subscribe on iTunes, or click here to find a link to download an audio file to your computer and/or smartphone. The GTOG Podcast is the first building you pass once you cross Bill Clinton's bridge to the 21st Century.
Tuesday night we'll be emptying our GTOG Inbox and answering reader questions on yet another podcast. No subject is off limits. If you want your question answered, send us an email at gettoourgame@gmail.com and we will personally guarantee that we will answer your question on the podcast.
Wednesday night we will be watching the NHL Awards Ceremony with the folks from Puck Daddy at a bar in D.C. We will be shamelessly promoting ourselves. Full report on Thursday.
You're in good hands with GTOG.
We're not even going to call this upcoming week arguably huge. We'll just call it huge. With an inconvenience we'll call "work" occupying us most of the week, we're going to channel all of our emotions into something we can do at night from the comforts of our own houses - Podcasts.
Tonight we'll be recording another Raw Emotion Podcast with instant reaction, analysis, and soul-searching after tonight's episode of The Bachelorette, one which carries the prospect of Bentley returning to continue his sabotage of Ashley's Journey in order to entice parents and children to sign up for his Family Fun Center in Salt Lake City. There will be no written recap this week so make sure to listen to the podcast, especially if you haven't given it a try already.
Some believe that listening to a podcast requires carving out time in front of the radio like when FDR gave updates on WW2. It's not like that. You can listen from our site or you can make the podcast portable: Click here to subscribe on iTunes, or click here to find a link to download an audio file to your computer and/or smartphone. The GTOG Podcast is the first building you pass once you cross Bill Clinton's bridge to the 21st Century.
 |
| Huge fan of the podcast. |
Wednesday night we will be watching the NHL Awards Ceremony with the folks from Puck Daddy at a bar in D.C. We will be shamelessly promoting ourselves. Full report on Thursday.
You're in good hands with GTOG.
Minggu, 19 Juni 2011
Darkness Falls on Father's Day
By Artistry
Happy Father's Day to all the dads in GTOG Nation. I hope you experience even a fraction of the joy I felt spending the morning with Little Artistry. But I cannot ignore the black cloud that now threatens to spoil our fun, fun, or even thinking about fun. Brace yourselves. Rebecca Black's "Friday" video has been removed from Youtube. In an ongoing copyright dispute between Black and the production company behind "Friday," we, the fans, are the losers wondering what seat we can take.
This is like the NFL and the players' association quarreling over how to divide billions of dollars in revenue and alienating everybody else.* Once again, stubbornness and greed trump common sense. "Friday" has 160 million views over four months, and these people can't figure out how to make this work for everybody? Tragic. Alas, we'll always have the Rebecca Black podcast.
* Speaking of which, good post here comparing in-over-his-head Roger Goodell to the oft-maligned Gary Bettman.
Happy Father's Day to all the dads in GTOG Nation. I hope you experience even a fraction of the joy I felt spending the morning with Little Artistry. But I cannot ignore the black cloud that now threatens to spoil our fun, fun, or even thinking about fun. Brace yourselves. Rebecca Black's "Friday" video has been removed from Youtube. In an ongoing copyright dispute between Black and the production company behind "Friday," we, the fans, are the losers wondering what seat we can take.
 |
| No Room For the People |
* Speaking of which, good post here comparing in-over-his-head Roger Goodell to the oft-maligned Gary Bettman.
Jumat, 17 Juni 2011
GTOG on the New Bill Simmons Website: Grant Revoked
By GTOG Staff
Let's get one thing out of the way up front: We dig Bill Simmons. He's smart, funny, passionate, and prolific. He gets paid to do something we try to squeeze in between a conference call and calculating the time we spent on a conference call. He's also innovative and ambitious. ESPN's 30 for 30 documentary series? His idea. And at the same time, to many people - especially men of a certain age - Bill Simmons is totally relatable. He has more than earned the title, "The Sports Guy." Does he spend way too much time writing and talking about the NBA, Boston, and Beverly Hills 90210? Of course he does, and we admire the hell out of it. You can't be great at this stuff if you're not inspired by your subject matter. Simmons just covers what he loves. In case you hadn't noticed, we're a little heavy here on the NHL, Pittsburgh, and the Bachelorette. Sports is personal.* But the key to great sports writing is making the reader feel like a game, a moment, or some insight into the lives of an athlete or a team, is shared. The reader has to have some buy-in.
Which brings us to Grantland. The latest Bill Simmons project is intended to be a gift - a grant - to smart people with frivolous hobbies, a platform for guys like Simmons, Chuck Klosterman, Dave Eggers, and Malcolm Gladwell to write long form posts and really, really explore "the space." Predictably, people are fawning all over it. We've been visiting the site every day and there's just one problem: it's virtually unreadable. Well, not all of it. We appreciate the wall-to-wall hockey features from a guy who, admittedly, pretty much stopped following hockey until his hometown team showed up in the Finals and, in fact, almost all of Simmons' stuff is entertaining. But thousands of words by two guys covering a cricket match, complete with digressions about their respective cricket histories and the rules of cricket? That's not personal. That's painful. And it's a good example of the problem with Grantland: the features are just incredibly self-indulgent.
For example: Can you guess which of these sentences are actual lead-ins to "pieces"** on Grantland.com?
"Like most 6-year-olds in the METCO-serviced suburbs of Boston, I spent the last two weeks of October 1986 with a Red Sox cap on my head."
"My grandfather used to tell a story about a wrestling show in small-town North Carolina."
"The Australian-born, Queens Park, London resident sitting next to me on our British Airways flight was putting in a good shift as an aerial tour guide, but I could tell he was getting a bit tired of the whole act."
"I remember the moment when I realized I wanted to write."
"My father had three things left on his Sports Bucket List: seeing a Stanley Cup finals game in Boston, going to the Masters, and going to the Kentucky Derby."
Trick question. Grantland ran every one of those leads.
Look, we might be in the minority here, but not only do we not care about soccer, we especially don't care about the guy you were sitting next to on the plane on the way to the soccer stadium. We like when writers hold up a mirror to the world. We are less interested when they hold up a mirror to themselves, then write 10,000 words about what they see. Go to therapy, for Christ's sake. What do you want from us?
We get what Grantland is going for. Simmons wants "pieces" like the ones Sports Illustrated used to run in the back of the magazine. Sports literature. But those stories were never about the writer, there was only one of them per week, and nobody was reading them on their work computer while answering an email from their boss. Incidentally, Simmons tweeted the following message on Friday:
We have no doubt that Grantland (is it "Grant-LAND" or "Grant-LUHND"?) will be a success, if you measure success by how many Subway ads you can fit on one page. And we have no doubt that we will continue to read and listen to Simmons and his podcast...you know, so long as we have time left over after reading 26,000 words written by an "up-and-coming" author about his experience at a Rugby match when he was studying abroad in 2005.
So we wish Simmons the best of luck with Grantland.com (like he needs it from us), and we hope that the site becomes an even bigger success by learning from some of its early and rather wordy mistakes. In the meantime, if you're looking for something that goes down a little easier, a little smoother, then look no further. You know what you're getting here. It's all we know how to be. So Smart. So Steady. So Serviceable. GTOG.
* 15 years ago Artistry was a local sports anchor in Billings, Montana. If there is one thing in this world that is certain, it's that no one in Billings, Montana cares about the Pittsburgh Penguins. That didn't stop Artistry from leading off a sportscast with a regular season tilt between the Pens and Boston Bruins. Just so he could do the highlights. Sports is personal.
** Isn't it a touch pretentious to call these things "pieces?" Pretending your 10,000 words on J.J. Barea is like precious art is exactly the issue we're talking about here. It would be like us referring to our podcasts as "sublime." Oh wait, we did that?
Let's get one thing out of the way up front: We dig Bill Simmons. He's smart, funny, passionate, and prolific. He gets paid to do something we try to squeeze in between a conference call and calculating the time we spent on a conference call. He's also innovative and ambitious. ESPN's 30 for 30 documentary series? His idea. And at the same time, to many people - especially men of a certain age - Bill Simmons is totally relatable. He has more than earned the title, "The Sports Guy." Does he spend way too much time writing and talking about the NBA, Boston, and Beverly Hills 90210? Of course he does, and we admire the hell out of it. You can't be great at this stuff if you're not inspired by your subject matter. Simmons just covers what he loves. In case you hadn't noticed, we're a little heavy here on the NHL, Pittsburgh, and the Bachelorette. Sports is personal.* But the key to great sports writing is making the reader feel like a game, a moment, or some insight into the lives of an athlete or a team, is shared. The reader has to have some buy-in.
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| Living the Dream |
For example: Can you guess which of these sentences are actual lead-ins to "pieces"** on Grantland.com?
"Like most 6-year-olds in the METCO-serviced suburbs of Boston, I spent the last two weeks of October 1986 with a Red Sox cap on my head."
"My grandfather used to tell a story about a wrestling show in small-town North Carolina."
"The Australian-born, Queens Park, London resident sitting next to me on our British Airways flight was putting in a good shift as an aerial tour guide, but I could tell he was getting a bit tired of the whole act."
"I remember the moment when I realized I wanted to write."
"My father had three things left on his Sports Bucket List: seeing a Stanley Cup finals game in Boston, going to the Masters, and going to the Kentucky Derby."
Trick question. Grantland ran every one of those leads.
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| My grandfather laughed too, at that exact moment, but about something else entirely. |
We get what Grantland is going for. Simmons wants "pieces" like the ones Sports Illustrated used to run in the back of the magazine. Sports literature. But those stories were never about the writer, there was only one of them per week, and nobody was reading them on their work computer while answering an email from their boss. Incidentally, Simmons tweeted the following message on Friday:
"Getting feedback today that certain companies are now blocking Grantland.com. HOW DARE THEY! You suck, companies who want employees to work."Sort of a humblebrag tweet right there, but let's address the substance of it. Of course companies are blocking Grantland.com. Would you want your employees reading "War and Peace" at their desk every morning?
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| Bookmarked on work computer. |
So we wish Simmons the best of luck with Grantland.com (like he needs it from us), and we hope that the site becomes an even bigger success by learning from some of its early and rather wordy mistakes. In the meantime, if you're looking for something that goes down a little easier, a little smoother, then look no further. You know what you're getting here. It's all we know how to be. So Smart. So Steady. So Serviceable. GTOG.
* 15 years ago Artistry was a local sports anchor in Billings, Montana. If there is one thing in this world that is certain, it's that no one in Billings, Montana cares about the Pittsburgh Penguins. That didn't stop Artistry from leading off a sportscast with a regular season tilt between the Pens and Boston Bruins. Just so he could do the highlights. Sports is personal.
** Isn't it a touch pretentious to call these things "pieces?" Pretending your 10,000 words on J.J. Barea is like precious art is exactly the issue we're talking about here. It would be like us referring to our podcasts as "sublime." Oh wait, we did that?
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